Kevin Gates surprised his fans when he revealed that he considered taking his life last December due to feelings of not being "celebrated" and previous traumas he's still dealing with.

“I’ma say something on this interview that I’ve never said before. December 10th through the 12th was the hardest for me [last] year,” he said during his appearance on the Big Facts podcast.

“I disabled my Instagram … See, I don’t do the, ‘Man, I’m ’bout to kill myself!’ I don’t want no attention. I was going the way of the samurai. Just smash myself because I was to the point I ain’t wanna live no more," he continued.

Gates explained that he "wasn’t happy" with the way he was being treated at home.

“As men, when you a provider and you not feeling like you being celebrated in the proper manner, you feel like you only being tolerated … when I was in the streets I used to hate going home because I feel like I wasn’t welcome there. Y’all act like I’m just doing what I’m supposed to be doing," he said. 

He went on to describe that some men have trouble dealing with their emotions and are “so busy being tough and harboring all these resentment and emotions and the s**t we deal with."

"That pressure was on top of my head. I was like, ‘Man, I quit,'” he added. 

Once his mind was made up, he decided to put all of his frustrations and feelings down in a suicide note before hitting the gym for his final workout. 

“I had a raw letter that I wrote about everything,” he remembered. “I was just saying, I don’t regret nobody I ever stepped on; if I did, your momma ain’t raise you right. I wrote about how I’ve been in love before and had my heart broken. How the first woman to ever break my heart was my mother, and the only woman to ever love me was my grandmother."

“After I did that, I went in the gym, worked out, took a shower, put all my jewelry on. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, ‘Say Dick [which is the nickname his grandfather gave him], it’s time to stand on that business. Ain’t no more talking.’ So I was like, ‘Yeah, let’s go get it done,'” Gates continued.

He met a fan who made him change his mind

But when he walked out of the gym, he was met with the person who ultimately forced him to reconsider. 

“White boy walked up on me — kinda big, I see him in there a lot. He said, ‘Can I approach you?’ He like, ‘Man, your music the only thing that make this crazy world make sense.’ I was like, ‘Man, the world’s a cruel place. Trust me, I know,'" Gates recalled. “He was like, ‘Man, I was worried about you because you had disconnected your Instagram and your Twitter. The world needs you because your music done kept me from committing suicide so many times.’ I say, ‘Listen, I swear to God, right now I’m ’bout to go push my shit off. You the only one I’m telling.’"

The emotional confession caused the fan to suddenly start crying. 

“You know what that dude do? He cried and he grabbed me and he said, ‘If you do that, so many people gonna take their own life ’cause you all we got.’ This show you how God work through people. I said, ‘You know what? I guess I’ll stick around a while.’ I’m still just playing, I do my little proper voice when I’m being sarcastic," Gates said. 

He took some time to think during an impromptu vacation to Puerto Rico

His chat with the fan convinced the rapper to take a few days off to reflect. During which time, Gates stayed off of social media and took a trip to Puerto Rico where his mother's family is from.

“I ended up going to Puerto Rico and was like, ‘Man, my grandmother’s spirit everywhere. She proud of me. Anywhere I go, the streets love me, the slums love me,'” he said. “I had built it in my mind that don’t nobody f**k with me. No, the world love me! But you would get on Instagram and be like, ‘Man, don’t nobody f**k with me.’ But that’s not true!"

“When I disconnected my Instagram and stopped making comparisons to my life and other people’s highlight film, and just started living for me and really appreciating the good things about myself and love what you have and have all that you need and really engaging with myself and the world… that’s what really shook me all the way,” he said.

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