Inspired By Nola Darling, Here Are 5 Things Polyamory Is Not
Shifting perspectives on relationships.
I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed while I was painting and boom, there it was: She's Gotta Have It, the new rendition of the classic from Spike Lee. Since its release, my Snapchat has been flooded by my friends sending me snaps saying, "Look! It's just like you!"
I haven't found the time to sit down and watch it (I really want to), plus, I'm still getting feedback from an interview I did. Some responses were positive, and others not so happy with my existence as a woman very open about her sexuality. I've been contrary Mary for a long time, so my skin is thick. But what makes me concerned are the people out there, just like me, who want to come out, but read the comments and feel defeated before they can even speak.
So, I want to briefly explain my boundaries and lifestyle to help people feel like they have someone out there advocating them (and also get some of these creeps out my DMs in the process).
Here are five things polyamory is not:
1. A sign of availability
Too often, my openness about my sexuality is confused with me being available to anyone who desires. This is straight to the point, and I shouldn't have to explain more. Desire is built easily in the social media era, and people are still out there with cave men mentalities.
2. Sex Addiction
Funny enough, because of my busy work schedule, I rarely have sex. People assume that because I’m dating several people, I’m having sex with each of them every single day. In reality, each person I’m involved with is just as busy as me, so we see each other maybe once a week — and that doesn’t always mean our personal time is delegated to sex.
I am completely open and honest with every single person I’m with and I’m very cognitive of my actions to honor each partner I’m with. With this notion, I date at a very high caliber, because each person I date represents the quality of life I see for myself.
I’m a holistic nutritionist who studies naturopathy, herbalism and orthomolecular medicine, alongside the fact that my self-care is sacred & full of self-love. I need to mention that I’m a mother and the wellbeing of my body is important to reflect to my children. Also, each person I date is extremely important to me and I would never be irresponsible or put them in harm's way.
Throughout my adult life I haven’t honored myself and have given myself top priority. Now, as I’m older, I am more sure in myself, especially with the amount of life experiences I’ve encountered.
Will I ever settle down? If I find my twin flame, of course. I’m not too attached to labels, but this is who I currently am, and there’s validity in that.