Last June, our favorite mogul’s favorite mogul Shawn Corey Carter released arguably one of the most transparent and soul-bearing albums we’ve heard in hip-hop to date. His open confession to cheating on Beyoncé (who's basically the goddess of the universe) left many women in a glass case of emotions. Like the greater majority of us, I indulged in the social media commentary. I watched his interviews and I read the think pieces written by black female intellects in response to the infamous 4:44. In those moments, I debated writing a piece of my own and chose not to out of fear that my true thoughts would be misconstrued. However, with the release of Jay and Bey’s newest project, Everything is Love I decided to revisit 4:44, an album that ignited some of the best dialogue I’ve seen in a while.
It was a foreign concept; specifically in the hip-hop community for a man to openly admit (sans being caught by the public in a ridiculous scandal) to cheating on his wife. I’d say that choosing to have a dialogue with the world about his actions and what he’d learned, provoked even the slightest skeptics from all walks of life with conjectures of complex marketing rollouts and schemes to make money on a “false storyline.” In the end, what I saw was a man who seemed to have evolved and this was yet another journey he was brave enough to take us on. Rarely ever do we hear men (famous or not) openly discuss the cause and effect of cheating. And we most certainly never hear men discuss why they cheated.
The truth is, we’d love to believe that all of our favorites celebrity couples or hell, even our favorite “Instagram couples” have a picture-perfect relationship. We cling to the notion that only certain types of women get cheated on, but not Beyoncé or women “like” Beyoncé. Not pretty women, or rich women, or sexy women, or smart women or caring and loving women. And while 4:44 provoked a visceral reaction from some of the ladies, it was the men who interested me the most with their firm conviction and clear discomfort.
A year later the dust has settled, but Jay’s evolution continues to stand out for me. This journey towards emotional intelligence and vulnerability that we get to experience only if we're lucky. In the footnotes to 4:44, I watched the 11-minute documentary which included well-known black men who openly discussed their mistakes in relationships. (Defer to Tidal’s streaming service for more dope content) The footnotes were a transparent and honest revelation:
“I suck at Love I think I need a do-over, next time I’d be emotionally available if I invited you over.” (Jay Z , 4:44)
For me, this album was a reminder of the subtle nuances we face in our relationships. The complexities that arise from intrinsic notions that a man who truly expresses and articulates his emotions to a woman is in some way demonstrating “weakness.” But, nobody wins when the family feuds- right? Ultimately, I believe Jay put a spotlight on the sh*t we rarely talk about in public spaces or even at the dinner table. The emotional capacity that it takes to properly love a woman and the fact that most men are not socialized to give all of themselves, even in marriage. I've always found it interesting the ways in which society discourages male vulnerability and effective communication. But when we compound these problematic ideologies with cultural norms across the diaspora, that embrace hyper masculinity we inadvertently perpetuate unhealthy relationship dynamics between men and women- specifically black men and women. 4:44 provided a platform for men to openly engage with one another and with their female counterparts on relationships, love, and infidelity. The reality is, women want and need their men to show up differently in relationships. The discussions that make you uncomfortable, have them. The feelings that you may tend to ignore or suppress, acknowledge them. Emotional Intelligence is the new wave- don’t be afraid to do the work. Let's be better together.
Photo: Giphy
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”-Brené Brown
