Reposting my review since the movie officially opens today, and all the discussion that follows in the comment section. Feel free to jump in…
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What a silly little movie this is; at times fun, and even the occasional slick thrill, but ultimately laughable, B-movie tripe.
I probably should have guessed something was up when it was noted amongst members of the film press that Sony/Tristar (the filmâs distributor) hadnât scheduled the usual run of pre-release press screenings for Colombiana. Often when that happens, itâs an indication of how the distributor feels critical reaction to the film will be â in this case, negative.
In case you havenât noticed, there hasnât exactly been a wealth of reviews of the film thus far, despite the fact that itâll be in theaters this week.
And all thatâs unfortunate, given that itâs incredibly rare that an action movie of this caliber and prominence, with an international cast and crew of talents, features a lead that isnât white and male.
Colombianaâs central appeal to many I believe is/was the fact that a black woman would, for once, be carrying the gun. But the gravity of that didnât really register with me, because itâs just not a very good movie. In the end, itâs a forgettable *cheap* trick thatâs better suited as a lazy Sunday afternoon rental, or cable TV watch.
So for those hoping this would be some kind of a nod to womensâ lib, I wouldnât be brandishing any pom-poms just yet.
This is a movie for fanboys â emphasis on âboys;â both the young and old variety. I was in that group once, so I get it; I can see how this would play oh-so well to those who pissed on themselves in watching director Olivier Megatonâs last film, Transporter 3 â yet another piece of overcooked, mindless waste (though Colombiana is definitely a step up), also produced by Luc Besson, by the way. And just as our hero in that film, played by Jason Statham, bares his fit torso on numerous occasions, while annihilating goons in dense numbers, and sometimes simultaneously, for a good chunk of Colombiana, Zoe Saldanaâs lean frame is, shall we say, exposed, as she also dispenses the baddies, frequently in attire that leaves little to the imagination.
Not that Iâm complaining; although, some may have an extremely difficult time buying this 100-pound âskinny thingâ (if I may) as a vengeful killer. And maybe taking that into consideration while making the movie, Besson and Megaton restrict her destruction to the use of weaponry, instead of fists and kicks of fury. Though worth noting is that her slenderness actually works to her advantage in certain sequences in which Saldana, as the vengeful Cataleya (which, by the way, translates as “Orchid” â âyou know, like the flowerâ â a point thatâs not-so-subtlety made throughout the film) has to maneuver her frame through extremely narrow cracks and crevices.
But her lack of physical size didnât bother me as much as some other more improbable aspects of the movie; after all size doesnât always automatically indicate strength and ability. Iâve seen David obliterate Goliath enough times to believe that – and not just in movies â so I wasnât entirely distracted by Zoe in this role.
Iâd even say that Ms Saldana comes out of this dubious thriller with her dignity intact. She does her best with the material sheâs given (which just isnât much). But she holds court here; she has to; sheâs the star; otherwise the movie fails miserably, and this review would be even more pejorative.
And I’d be remiss if I didn’t tip my hat to Mr Lennie James who has a much more plump role in this than marketing for the film indicates. He leads the FBI team of agents hunting Saldana’s killer Cataleya, and is on screen quite a bit. He’s a good actor; but like Zoe, his talents are mostly wasted here.
Colombiana is really just one cheesy, predictable affair. You’ve seen this all before, and done a lot better. Not that I was looking for something revolutionary, but the trailers did impress me enough that I was genuinely looking forward to the delivery.
The good thing I suppose is that it doesnât try to be anything more than what it is. Itâs not a boring movie. As already noted, Saldana delivers, for the most part, as our determined, steely-eyed, taciturn emotionally-troubled but tough action hero, capable of incredible physical feats â even as a little girl (youâll watch in befuddled amazement as little Cataleya, played by 13-year-old Amandla Stenberg, escapes a group of baddies, as she leaps from high places, landing with confidence, jumps over obstacles, floats through windows, runs through busy narrow streets, eventually sliding through a sewer gap, much to the frustration of the armed men chasing after her. Obviously she gets away; but damn, I was hoping that there would be SOME explanation for how this little kid learned to move like sheâd been trained by Jason Bourne).
Alas, none was given. So I guess the audience is expected to overlook such a glaring question mark; and itâs not the only one.
For its target audience, itâll probably be a perfectly acceptable, albeit brainless PG-13 action thriller. Those looking for something more, dare I say adult and substantive, will be sorely disappointed, and should probably wait to catch this as a rental instead.
The bar just isnât set very high here.
Director Olivier Megaton says he got his last name from his birthday: the 6th of August 1965, which was the 20th anniversary of the dropping of the Hiroshima A-bomb. Oh the ironyâŠ
While I donât expect the film to bomb at the box office, I donât think itâll do big money here in the USA; but thatâs not unusual for Besson films, which tend to make the bulk of their earnings in international markets, not in the states. However, Saldanaâs presence in this might attract audiences that have mostly avoided past Besson actioners, like Transporter 3. Sure, fanboys will be there; however, Iâd expect some ticket sales from fangirls/women too â maybe more than usual for a film like this.
Kudos to Zoe, I suppose, in what may be a film that we look back to in a few years as a career marker of some sort; this should certainly help improve her international presence and appeal, which should (hopefully) lead to a wide variety of work. There was talk of a sequel to Colombiana, as both she and Besson mentioned in a previous item we posted here. I certainly hope not. Though my opinion means nothing, especially if the film is a financial success. A Transporter-like franchise for Zoe might be brewing here, who knows…
But donât take my word for it; see it for yourselves đ
