People around the world fell in love with the dancing machine known as tWitch from the first time they saw him on FOX’s hit show So You Think You Can Dance. Although he came in second place during his season, he made a lasting impression that took him on an amazing career journey that his fans, friends and loved ones were happy to witness. As Blavity previously reported, when news spread that the Ellen DeGeneres Show’s DJ and executive producer passed from suicide at the young age of 40, it shocked everyone.

It’s been six months since he passed and his mom is finally at a place in her grieving process where she can speak publicly about his death and how she’s been processing it, which has been unimaginably hard. In an exclusive interview with People, Alexander shared that it’s still surreal for her, especially due to the way he died.

“Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday, and then other times it feels like it’s been so long since I’ve seen him,” she told the publication.

“You find yourself in a lot of introspection, a lot of looking back. Did I miss something? Did he mean something when he said this? It was just very, very shocking. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever accept it. At this point, I’m in realization, I guess. When I wake up in the morning, it does hit me that, oh my God, he really is not physically here. But then in my head I can hear him say, ‘Hey, Mom. I’m okay,'” she added.

The mother of three has been leaning on her faith to help her cope with the loss of her son. Despite him not being here in the physical realm, she believes in her heart they will meet again. Reminding herself of this constantly helps calm her spirit and gives her solace.

“When I think about him, I try not to dwell on how he left this earth,” she said. “This is not totally the end. That is where my peace comes from.”

Alexander had tWitch when she was 18 years old. Since she was a teen mom, they grew up and learned things together and had a very tight bond. So much so, there was never a day that went by where they didn’t talk. She shared that who the world got to experience tWitch is how he’s always been, a smiling, charismatic and authentic person who had a passion to dance.

“If I had on music, he was dancing. He was the only male on his dance team in high school. That’s how dedicated and serious he was about it. He didn’t care that kids might be whispering,” the 59-year-old said.

Instead of focusing on his tragic ending, she wants his huge heart of love to be how people remember him because the impact he had on people was bigger than how he left this world, which doesn’t define him

“It’s funny when you look at your child as an adult. With certain mannerisms, I see the little baby and then a toddler, and I’m chasing him down the hallway, him looking back at me and laughing. And in high school, I see him crossing the stage and turning back and waving. I see it all now.”