If you’re anything like me, then Valentine’s Day came conveniently after experiencing a bad breakup. And it sucks! I mean who wants to be alone on Valentine’s Day, stuck with all of the memories of a love gone to hell while there are still fresh reminders, such as the scent of cologne or perfume on your bedsheets? So here’s my guide to get the heck over it and survive what I’m sure will be a lovely day for others.
1. Delete all text messages, Facebook messages, IG DMs, Snapchat DMs and pictures.
I know you’re thinking this might be extreme, but so was the breakup. You don’t need any reminders of what was and what could have been and what went wrong. Valentine’s Day is like our New Year’s Eve — we’re starting over with a fresh outlook on love and life and we don’t need those old memories and spirits knocking at our fingertips. (But always keep that one blackmail pic in case that fool tries to disrupt your peace. Mama didn’t raise no fool and God forgives petty.)
2. Unfriend them on all social media.
There is nothing worse than a petty ex (insert me) who uses social media as a place to preach the heartbreak gospel through memes along with Rob Hill and Tony Gaskins subliminals. You know, the ones that say ‘last chances don’t always come with warnings’ and ‘don’t underestimate a fed-up person.’ You don’t need to see that or feel the need to return petty with petty. Instead, give them a social media funeral and pretend that they don’t even exist, online and off…
3. Don’t watch Waiting to Exhale.
Despite being a great breakup film, this movie will have you slashing tires and driving by your ex’s house to make sure they’re just as lonely as you are. We both know that won’t turn out good. In all of my years of drive-bys post-Waiting to Exhale, I’ve come closer and closer to being someone’s cellmate. So let’s just avoid that all together this year.
4. Mary J. Blige is the devil.
Almost every MJB song is homage to how that jerk screwed up and now you are left putting back the pieces together of your life. MJB will have you thinking its much worse than it really is.
5. Beyonce doesn’t cry over spilled milk and neither should you.
Imagine how dumb the guy that dumped Beyoncé must feel. Now she has us all bowing down, including that fool. So if Queen Bey doesn’t cry over spilled milk, neither should you. Meanwhile, the best revenge is to get your paper. Catch “Formation” for inspiration.
6. Avoid all couple hot spots this weekend.
Let’s face it, not everyone is faithful and might have a few in rotation (why I’m single now). So as these people are taking three days to wine and dine their rotational mates at Chilis, Red Lobster, and Cheddars, take the time to wine and dine yourself at home. There are several companies who will deliver more than pizza. I know it’s Lent and you might have given up something such as bread or sweets. But after giving up that bad decision called your ex, I think Jesus will understand.
7. Reality TV is therapy.
I suggest watching Iyanla Fix My Life (the Karruche episode) and the last few episodes of Love & Hip Hop: New York. Between Karucche, Tara and Amina’s lives serving as cautionary tales, you’re bound to learn that you, my beloved, are enough, and that spending V-Day alone rather than with a Peter Gunz is a blessing we can all be grateful for.
8. Have a friend’s weekend — not all your friends have a steady boo.
Some of them are in that “we just talking” phase, so it’s too early to take you out for V-Day, while some of them just can’t find, get, or keep a partner. And that’s ok. We all have a friend or two that are the real-life Mariah Lynn from Love and Hip Hop. They’ll learn, though, and in the meantime y’all can have a bonding weekend binge-watching Being Mary Jane, Orange is the New Black, and Girlfriends.
9. Buy yourself a push gift.
Some women who push out a baby from their bodies and get a push gift. This concept is for a mom to get a gift for the nine months of carrying that heavy baby around and the countless hours of labor she went through pushing them forth into this world. Apply that same concept here. Remember the days, weeks, months and possibly even years you carried around that heavy burden of relationship. Now you deserve a gift for pushing that jerk out of your life and getting on with a new one. Something like this black girl magic shirt. Because you can always use a reminder that you’re magical.
10. Remember that you are enough.
I know this sounds like a bad line from a sad Vivian Green song. But you are. The greatest thing I ever heard a black woman profess was “You are perfect. In this very moment you are perfect, maybe not yet realized, but perfect.” – Beah Richards. Carry that truth with you now and on to the other side of Valentine’s Day.
11. When all else fails, Tinder it up.
There are so many apps for finding a new bae that you should have no time finding a new person to forget about the old one. Here are a few: Tinder, POF, Bae App, Hinge, Meld, Soul Swipe.
How are you surviving a recent breakup this Valentine’s Day?
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