Black-Men

Dear Black Men in our families,Y'all. Gotta. Chill. With. The. Colorism. It's not cool, and a lot of times, I don't even think you realize how it makes us as black women feel.To give a little back story, my family was sitting around the dinner table one Sunday conducting our weekly cultural ritual of soul food after church. Somehow, the conversation turned to the fine chocolate specimen that is Kofi Siriboe (let's have a moment of silence for the handcrafted work of the Lord Most High). My cousin asked me if I was crushing on him like so many other women at this point in time. Let it be known, I am a #Siribae. All day. *slurp*After discussing who I find attractive, I posed the same types of questions to my cousin. He proceeded to name several women, all of whom, have pretty much the same look: on the fairer side of brown, long/curly hair, hazel eyes, etc. You get the point. Let me start by saying: EVERYONE HAS PREFERENCES AND THAT IS OKAY. You like who you like. You're attracted to whomever you're attracted to. The issue comes when you think that "your type" is superior, and no other "type" is truly beautiful.I said  to him, "Ah, yes. You did always love a racially ambiguous woman with long hair. What do you call them? 'Exotic'?" He responds, "Yes. Yes I definitely like my women racially ambiguous. Mixed. Alllllat." Again, it's fine to have preferences, but I could feel my blood pressure rising because I knew there was impending bullsh*t ahead. My uncle then chimes in with his penny (cause the nonsense he spewed wasn't even worth two cents): "Like father, like son! That's my son! He likes the same women his daddy likes. I like 'em light, bright and damn near white! Ayeeee! That's the only type I"m getting with." And the two proceed to fall into a raucous laughter.Sitting around the table are myself (not light, bright, or damn near white), my mother (also not light, bright, or damn near white), and my grandmother (a smidge light, kiiiiinda bright, but certainly nowhere near white), and we're all just looking at each other with disgust. I almost felt embarrassed, I'd say. But not for my brown-skinned, dark eyes, afro-haired self. I felt embarrassed for the literal ignorance in front of me. I was mortified that in their loud, abrasive laughter, the ignorant pair had no awareness of who was in the room and how it could make us feel, no consciousness, and no conviction. You exist every day in the real world with that lack of perception? God bless. Black men, it is more than fine for you to like whatever type of woman you want. But, it is not fine for you to define beauty through a narrow-minded, insensitive, uncouthness that blatantly disregards the feelings of your black female loved ones. Right in front of our faces. By saying things like "That's the only type I'm getting with," you've backhandedly told me that you wouldn't pursue a relationship with a woman who looks more like me than Alicia Keys or Eva Mendes. The old saying, "Charity begins at home," rings so true here because if our fathers, uncles, brothers and cousins, don't affirm us and build us up at home, we have to work even harder to build our confidence and assert our Black Girl Magic in the world. Bottom line, do better. Cause we outchea riding for y'all. Reciprocity is...

Black men have been some of the most complex creatures to walk the face of the Earth. Black men are also, believe it or not, are very significant figures in our society. Our forefathers were the very builders of American civilization. From the beginning of time, black men have been the strength and backbone of any civilization we have been a part of. This reaches way back to our roots in Afraka (European spelling: Africa) before the slaves were brought, via the Transatlantic Slave Trade, to the New World or the modern day United States of America. However, the change our ancestors did make once they arrived is absolutely profound. Men of African ancestry carry a very complex spirituality left to us by our ancestors, which some of us know about and master while others live oblivious to its presence. We still carry this essence regardless of the pressure of expected assimilation and social conformity placed against us.Society has historically discriminated against black males, our heritage and our culture. Black men have been among the most oppressed groups of people in the world, but specifically here in the United States. From the olden times of slavery up to this very day, men of color have been looked down upon in terms of class or status, and have been expected to be unreliable, lazy, rebellious and below the standard of respect. These opinions exist because the world knows that the strength of the black man is his will. Since white supremacy has been so infectious in our communities, making our own people believe that black men are nothing, today there are many black women who don’t see Black men in a particularly positive light. Those black women perceive all black men as unreliable spouses and fathers which, itself, is the repeating cycle of a torn past. This is not present in every black family, but unfortunately, some families are affected by this particular scenario generation after generation. I understand that it's very arguable, but I believe that the black man is naturally one of the most fatherly creatures on the planet. Then again, most of our natural selves have been stripped by white assimilation.At this point, I would like to introduce "The William 'Willie' Lynch Letter: The Making of a Slave." (Some historians say that the document is a hoax, which may be a distractive tactic, but it makes a lot of sense to me!). For those of you who have not taken the time to read the address, it is said to be written in 1712 by one William Lynch who was a successful slaver in his day, and it is a very detailed instruction manual of proven methods on how to break down a slave and turn them against one another (this introduces modern day colorism), and make them serve unconditionally and without retaliation. The goal was to interrupt the powerful flow of the Africans’ psyche, and rip to shreds the fabric of what they have known and been taught for millennia. That kind of mental strength would not allow one to serve another in fear. Many people still cannot understand why slavery is still discussed so much today. The simple fact of it is that things such as the Willie Lynch Letter have left residual wounds on the subconscious psyche of black people.Men are not allowed to speak on feminism, but today I dare to do so. Now, I must make a point to say that I 100 percent support the teaching of women to love, honor and respect themselves, especially young black women. No, women do not have to take from themselves to please a man. In fact, any woman with low self-esteem just simply isn’t my type, but I also refuse to have a woman who cannot show me love and respect as well. Here is my position on radical feminism: It is not right for one to make themselves feel happy at the expense of another. Not all self-proclaimed feminists teach this way, but some of them teach in a way that is anti-male and makes men ashamed for being what they are—men. Granted, there are some terrible men out there, but the decent men should not have to suffer for the ones who can’t get a grip. Black men, in particular, are torn down enough by general society, the last thing we need is for our beloved black women to tell us that we are worthless and only taking up space. However, it is most shameful that some of those anti-male feministic views can be justified or proven correct by the actions of Black men who aren’t there for their families, don’t respect women and aren’t kind people to begin with.All in all, the black male is terribly misunderstood, and it is his complexity to blame. The black male can be confusing and people are often scared of the things they can’t clearly comprehend. When one misunderstands something he will first fear it, then he will try to make sense of it. This will lead to assumptions being made, false accusations being made; this is the place where prejudice is created. Regardless of how our oppressors feel about us, the black male has everything to be proud of and should always take the initiative in raising our families and advocating for the progression of our people. Education should be a major priority in our lives, because when you know better, you do better and we can only advance. Being a black man is not about conformity, nor is it about compromise or assimilation to the outside world. It’s about being the strong tower of your people and building a world of your own since you are obviously not welcome to the one we live in today. The black community as a whole must support and encourage black men to always become better versions of themselves. Also, black men absolutely must love, support, and build empires with one another. The plan cannot work to its full effect if this does not occur. There is no one way to be a good black man, that would defeat the ideal of our complexity. Black men, we must build up our own self-esteem, once we gain that profound respect for ourselves and other people in our lives, the world will follow suit. I firmly believe that black boys and men need the caliber of empowerment that black girls and women receive. Because we are hated so much, we need someone to love us...

Granted, I used to be one of those black nerds who hated the concept of swag. It felt as though women were into bad boys and not men of substance. I eventually grew out of that mentality. Personality goes a long way, so I can no longer hate the importance of swag.What bothers me the most is when black boys lose their swag once assimilated in white spaces. I noticed a sitcom generation of swagless black boys. Granted, my desire to see coolness is not based off of fitting into a stereotypical black identity. Rather, I am searching for the perfect mix of brains and brawns.In white media, black boys are tokenized. They are granted a blessing and a curse. Black boys are written to be smart, yet socially awkward, bullied by a white character and often sacrificing themselves for a white lead.In Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide, Cookie is the token black student. Despite his ingenious inventions, he is cursed with the life of bullying, as if it was funny seeing a black boy taken out of his element.Why can’t black guys in white spaces be cool?Swag is a part of black masculinity and by taking that away, the audience sees a black man who is safe in white spaces because he is a punching bag, and does not challenge the status quo. Black audiences receive this message as to avoid white spaces even more because they do not want to lose the respect from the black...

Black men don't always get the recognition they deserve for the roles they play in our families and communities. There are plenty who take on the duties of “father figure” and welcome the responsibility of taking an active part in the lives of the children they influence, even if they aren't biologically related. Brandon Williamson is a shining example of such a man, and when his wife, Porsche Williamson posted a video of her son taking time out of his birthday party to present his stepfather with a formal proposition to adopt him, there wasn't a dry eye around.That young man said, "you have been here for everything, all my school programs and parent-teacher conferences, all my sports, every time I'm sick."Photo: GiphyThe clip started doing rounds on Twitter last night, putting everyone in their feelings when they least expected it.@zellieimani When the little baby said don't cry I'll always be there for you too pic.twitter.com/RVr2XR4frD— MiMiJ (@lovemiraclej) May 3, 2017Jesus be some Kleenex. Let me call my Daddy right...

When you picture a portrait, do you think of an image featuring a black man?And when you think of a picture of a black man, do you think of a portrait?On the news, in our timelines, we are inundated with pictures of black men from surveillance cameras and mug shots. Yes, a mug shot brought us our beloved PrisonBae. But how has the mug shot being such an outsized portion of the black photographic record affected us?“The mug shot is this very stark presentation,” artist Erica Deeman remarked to The Huffington Post as she readied a show of her new series, “Brown.” Deeman compares the mug shot to early photographs of black faces, used to burnish the emerging field of physiognomy. Those first pictures, and the pseudo-scientific conclusions drawn from them, Deeman said were “used to justify racism by elevating European features and criminalizing everyone else.”Through her own photography, Deeman hopes to subvert and correct the photographic depiction of black men in “Brown.”Photo: Erica Deeman“I think photography is problematic because so many people see it as truth,” Deeman argues, “It has made people buy into physiognomy and eugenics and all of that. I always joke that the photograph was the biggest lie that was every made.”Photo: Erica DeemanDeeman’s photographs do not lie. Like the portraits of black women in her “Silhouettes” series, the pictures in “Brown” are direct, feature revealing studio lighting, and carefully capture the warmth and nuance of her subjects.Photo: Erica DeemanOne way that she achieves this truth is by allowing for variation within formula. In mug shots, she argues, “people are placed against a blue backdrop or a white backdrop, the flash is always the same, everything is the same within the context of the image. I wanted to make something with a formula, but challenge that aesthetic.”You can see that challenge in the naturalism of the poses of her subjects; each tilts his head in an individualistic way — you don’t see any of the stiff-backed photographer-directed postures that are so common in school portraits. Too, Deeman rejected the mug shot blue backdrops in favor of a warm brown one, one that is similar to the color of her skin. “It’s about placing myself within the image,” she said, “The color represents me.” Photo: Erica DeemanPutting herself into the photograph creates a lack of remove; it makes each piece feel personal in a way portraits usually do not. “We are together in this place, making this photograph,” Deeman said, “I’m saying, ‘This is how I think you should be seen, and this is how you should be seen.’” If you’re lucky enough to be in San Francisco from March 24th to April 28th, you can see “Brown” in person at Anthony Meier Fine...

Recently, a friend asked me how I made it to where I am today. For context, I am an African-American man from a poverty-line household with a single mother upbringing. I grew up on the southside of Chicago, attending several different Chicago Public Schools before matriculating to college. My family changed homes often, in hopes of avoiding neighborhood violence and maintaining some amount of financial stability. Despite an imperfect upbringing, I became a proud graduate of the University of Virginia, a Strategist at a well-performing consultancy, and a resident of Midtown, Manhattan. I effectively went from eating instant ramen dinners by necessity, to eating instant ramen as a late-night guilty pleasure. When responding to the aforementioned question, I explained that there is no formula for making it out of Chicago, that I just got lucky. I then quickly realized how privileged and selfish of a response that was. So I thought about the question again.My pondering led to me asking similarly achieved hometown friends what they thought of the question. We again came to my original conclusion: there truly is no formula for what we accomplished.While there is no foolproof formula for graduating from the hood, we did decide that there were some prominent common traits and behaviors that played huge roles in our long-term success. Below is a list of ways to increase your odds of ascending from the trenches, curated by a handful of successful, black southside Chicagoans. Feedback and comments are welcome. 1. Seek the knowledge! It will not seek you. By opening this article, you’ve already taken the first step toward successfully making it out. Just a few glass ceilings, income brackets, and haters left to go! 2. Keep your GOOD friends closeEvery friend that you have a good time around isn’t necessarily good for you. Sometimes you have to let go of acquaintances, or even close friends, who may not share your long-term vision of ascension. While we entered this world bearing a societal debt that we did not personally earn or deserve, we cannot surround ourselves with people who intend to retain or grow that debt. If we do, we will inevitably share their fates. Let’s just say the “GOOD” in GOOD friends stands for get the hell out of debt (and fast!).3. The system was created to hold us back. Circumvent it (aka finesse). Resourcefulness is key. When I was a young child, my brothers and I wanted sweet desserts and snacks that we couldn’t afford. As a solution, my grandfather took balls of flour, added sugar, and threw them in the oven. These slightly sugared, awkwardly shaped balls of cooked flour became our favorite snacks growing up, and they cost near-nothing to make. Folks like us were not gifted with trust funds, but we were gifted with a long lineage of people making diamonds out of dog sh*t. We will approach countless barriers on our roads to success, and we must apply these second-nature skills that we’ve inherited to the ensure the most positive, preferable outcomes. The more that companies, organizations and society searches for ways to be “nontraditional” and “disruptive,” the higher our human equity grows. 4. Google and Youtube are both the plugNeed help? No more excuses, big fella. Look it up!5. Establish good mentors Similar men and women have come before you, and we’re eager to share our stories and wisdom. Don’t make things harder on yourself by making the same mistakes someone else already has. 6. We all have emotions, it doesn’t make you "soft"Our upbringings have taught us that life is rough and we will encounter problems, but we can never be “soft.” In our communities, being “soft” encompasses a wide variety of healthy life traits. When rejecting those traits, we become constricted to primarily detrimental personal traits and behaviors. Being “soft” is the same language that promotes expressing ourselves physically instead of verbally abusing women when they respond to us with disinterest, and making that blatantly stupid decision when our peers say “you’re just scared.”In order to be successful, we must not be afraid to show our multifaceted nature. It is okay to hug your brothers. It is okay to say no to peer pressure. It is okay to seek mental health assistance. By trying not to be “soft,” we are foreshadowing one of our community’s longtime downfalls, and it is only a matter of time before we perpetuate the cycle. Always remember, Lil’ Wayne kissed Birdman and he turned out just fine (well, sort of). And he’s still one of your all-time favorite rappers (well, sort of). 7. Reverse code switching must happen, but we must not forget it is a toolThanks to gang violence, corrupt policing and a culture of desperation in many of our cities, we are a consistently endangered species. We learn very quickly what it takes to survive where we come from. Professionals code switch to excel in the workplace, and you better believe we reverse code switch to excel in the 'hood. But just because this is a necessary means to survival, it doesn’t mean that it has to become who you truly are at your core. When it comes time to decide on those life-changing ultimatums, be your own person. Do not get in that car, do not hold that conspicuous item for the homie, and absolutely do not “check it out” (reference Chicago slang for this one). We will always have to live by the decisions we make, so make decisions that will make life easier, not more difficult. 8. Make your weakness your strength.We have seen some crazy things in life. We often felt like we were adults at a ridiculously early age. Our most unique and unfortunate experiences have brought us a special kind of wisdom. Nobody in this country has the perspective that we do , and they never will. For that reason, our minds will always be of value. Take advantage of it. 9. "Bros before..." ...wait no, that's not cool! We all date eventually. And we’ve all heard about the “sacred” law of putting your friends before your significant other(s). In some cases, that is a big mistake. Choosing the right woman and treating her well can become a secret weapon in the long run. Unlike family, we get to choose our significant other. If we choose correctly, that person has the ability to expand our horizons to places we might never explore otherwise. My first legitimate girlfriend introduced me to customs, experiences and values that have made me a more cultured man to this day. Do not take her for granted. Value her and learn from her. And don’t worry about this being one-sided. You will teach her plenty along the way also. 10. "Know your story, tell it well, tell it often." A great mentor of mine once told me the quote above. He emphasized the importance of the best version of your story being popular knowledge to those around you, as it is likely to almost naturally bring more opportunity your way. A second mentor of mine also told me, “it’s not about what you know or who you know… it’s about who knows you.” The first piece of advice emphasizes the importance of people you know understanding who you are and why you are valuable. The second piece of advice emphasizes the amount of people who know you, inherently increasing the likelihood of you coming to mind when an opportunity arises. If both of these pieces are in top shape, you will never go without a job, an educational moment or an opportunity for advancement. 11. Shoot your shot like Russell Westbrook on the '16-'17 Thunder.There's a lot of scams in the hood, but there's some real opportunity out there too. Sometimes you have to dig through lots of dirt to find that gem. In practical terms, this means you have to be prolific in putting yourself out there and giving opportunities your best shot. Apply to lots of colleges, scholarships, enrichment experiences, and jobs. If the first person flakes on mentoring you, reach out to other prospective folks for guidance. Russell Westbrook didn’t become a frontrunner for MVP by not shooting his shot. You won’t either. 12. Never forget where you come from, but never let it become your hindranceIt is important that, as we grow, we remain true to our past experiences and communities. Investing in the communities we hail from is the only way that articles like these will one day become unnecessary. While this is true, we must never allow our flawed upbringings to hinder our performance in our current lives. Sometimes you must compromise to make it to the next level. There is a time and place for everything, and you must become a master at deciphering the perfect behavior for any occasion presented to you. And no, this doesn’t mean you’re not being true to yourself. It means you are becoming multifaceted. 13. Try sushi, Taylor Swift music, hiking or all of the aboveThe point is, get out of your comfort zone. Often times, we shy away from opportunities to try new things in fear of seeming uneducated, becoming uncool or having a bad experience. We’ve had a very dialed in experience growing up, and that can make it difficult to explore new things as they become available to us. The truth is, we probably won’t like some things we try. But it is almost inevitable that we will also fall in love with something we may have least expected. Trying new things ultimately makes you a more dynamic person. In life, you won’t want more until you’ve seen more. Therefore, see as much as you possibly can. 14. Don’t listen to them (or “THEY" as DJ Khaled would say) Why not us? Why not multiple lanes? Every lane is our lane when we make it ours.If we take no for an answer, we are doing exactly what they want (and expect) us to do. Each of us are talented and special. We must always remember that as we pursue our individual paths toward greatness. I believe in you. I believe in us. Shoot for the stars, you can reach them. 15. You’re in college, but you’re still not out. Repeat numbers 1 - 14I’ve seen far too many good brothers make it to a prestigious university and lose everything they’ve worked toward. These institutions were not created for us to succeed, but we are present so we will do exactly that. College is a huge milestone, but there is more work to do. Never forget that there is no safety net for us to fall back on. Always remember that there is a world to gain if we focus and grind. Thank you for reading. If you ever feel like there is no one to reach out to, here is my email: johnsonmartese@gmail.comI will make...

Before the credits for Fences, I glanced to both my right and left to capture a tearful eye from my father and uncle in a dark theater during the final scene. We do not often see black men struggle with mental well-being on the big screen. Fences, a film adaptation of the play written by the late August Wilson displayed the beauty of a life with family and the tragedy of living with unattained dreams. In the film, we see a black man walking through life with depression. Directed by Denzel Washington, who also played the main character Troy, the film starred Viola Davis as his wife, Rose. Both of them reprised their roles from the 2010 Broadway revival. Stephen McKinley Henderson plays Troy’s best friend and coworker. Watching Troy interact with his wife, sons and best friend often felt surreal. Wilson’s pieces often leave you with moments of laughter in the midst of discomfort. Sometimes we'd rather have noise than experience the awkward silences as we dwell in the characters’ pain.“You've got to take the crookeds with the straights.”Washington’s character provides for his wife and son while maintaining one friend, getting by the best he can. He lives two lives: one dreaming about the life he could have had as a professional baseball player and a harsher reality tainted by misfortune. Listening to the dialogue in the film was like watching previous conversations I’ve had with my father about living in the past. I began thinking about the moments I took for granted, lost time feeling sorry and days when I just felt stuck.Leaving the theater, I thought about how I have been socialized as a black man. How often do I willingly open up to people about my issues? I have not intentionally built relationships in my life to do so until the last two years. Before I would rather keep my actual thoughts to myself.Lately, I have been thinking about the ways I interact with other men in my life, especially black men. Growing up, I would even hold back my shortcomings and faults in intentional spaces for young black men. I withheld information about my emotional well-beings from a majority of people in my life, not because I never trusted them, but more so because I never wanted to burden anyone else. Fences often showcases the irony in dealing with trauma and the context in which we might choose to share stories with one another. Until recently, I've always been reluctant to share my personal struggles with my friends and family until I've lost control over various aspects in my life. I would call this a spiral, withholding information after failure due to the fear of appearing weak. My father often told me as a teenager sometimes I held myself back, like I was in a war with myself. Like Washington’s character I would stare into the void of darkness and got nowhere, never openly facing my anxiety and depression. I never asked for therapy because of the stigma around mental health. Instead, I spent all my time in church wrestling away my personal demons. I sat with the complacency of dealing with emotions internally. To this day, I still grapple with this mentality that men should hold their own responsibilities, struggles and pain. These burdens are not to be shared with others, everyone has their own life to deal with.Depression in men often goes unnoticed, sometimes never even acknowledged. Sleeping too much or too little, physical pain,  stress, substance abuse, lack of sex drive, irritability, and aggressiveness are all signs of depression.These symptoms, often ignored, can drastically decrease the quality of life for an individual. We all need a reason to keep going or something to look forward to in life. Fences resonated with me because of the people, vices and experiences that held each character back. Whether we keep going depends on us. Men, especially black men, should openly discuss mental well-being with one another. Surviving life is not the same as living and in times in which we collectively experience traumatic events for black people via news or social media we need one another even more.We cannot continue to allow fences to hold us back from communicating with one another, holding each other down, and embracing each other.For more community-submitted content, sign up for Blavity's...