Multi-hyphenate Tyler Perry is known for helping those in need, but even the most giving individuals must set boundaries with those closest to them.

The entertainment mogul appeared on Kirk Franklin’s YouTube series Den of Kings, with Derrick Hayes, the founder and CEO of Big Dave’s Cheesesteaks and rapper Jeezy. He opened up about navigating the tension between family expectations and business demands, and how he maintains peace of mind in the process.

Perry built his media empire early in his career with the gun-toting, no-nonsense Madea, a character who first rose to popularity through his stage plays before expanding into film and television. As his success grew, family members often turned to him for help. While he cares deeply for his loved ones, he’s had to make tough decisions to protect his business, even when it involves someone close to him.

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Perry discussed his aunt and how he wanted to help her financially, but later had to let her go.

“I fired my aunt,” Perry admitted. “She said she wanted a job. She would always call, asking for money, asking for money. I’m like, ‘OK.’ I was sending the money,” he continued, adding, “‘Listen, I want to help you. I want to help you build this thing, not be welfare to you. So, let me give you a job,'” Perry explained. “She wasn’t coming in, calling in all the time, and I was like ‘OK, well you got to go’ because you want me to hand you the money, but you don’t want to work for it. See, that doesn’t work for me.”

Perry said he has also instilled that mindset into his 10-year-old son, Aman, teaching him that he can earn the things he wants through chores.

“I don’t believe in giving us things that are just going to handicap us,” he shared. “That is the worst thing you can do. And I’ve had family members that I’ve done that to because my mother has asked me to.”

On setting financial limits with family members

After his mother died in 2009, Perry said he sent letters to his family members explaining that he would be limiting the help and support they had come to rely on, saying, “Listen, you’ve got 60 days to become gainfully employed because I’m not going to keep supporting you like this.”

The tough love approach worked for his family, as they were able to find jobs and become more financially independent.

“They all got jobs,” he said. “And it wasn’t even jobs where they’re making a lot of money, but it was a job. It was something else for them to do to feel some pride in. That’s the same thing I would want somebody to do for me.”

When Hayes, an entrepreneur, asked Perry if he had received backlash or resentment from his family members due to his success, he was honest in his response.

“I’ve had family members get mad at me ’cause I wouldn’t give them a million dollars,” Perry stated.

He later advised Hayes to focus on the goals he had set for himself, reflecting on how familial expectations can hinder someone’s growth and success due to the surrounding pressure.

“If you’re trying to build a business to carry everybody in your family through, that’s one thing. And if you’re trying to do that, then build a business. What that means is you’ve got to watch the family members that come putting holes in the boat that you’re trying to get across the sea,” Perry shared.

He continued, “Sometimes you build a boat by yourself. ‘Y’all all wait over here on the shore. Stay here. I’m building this boat,’ Perry advised. “I’m going to go over and build this, and then I’m going to come back and see who’s worthy to come because anybody who’s going to drag you down or put holes in the boat or try to destroy you, man, why bring them over?”

Watch the full episode below:

family pressure

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