This wasn’t dead hair or buildup from braids, I know what that’s like… but this was strand after strand of the healthy, curly locks I had been tending to for the past two years coming out in front of my eyes with no reasonable explanation why. As each minute (which seemed like hours) passed by, I kept reassuring myself not to cry, holding back the tears as thoughts of chronic illness and death crossed my mind. I should be strong, that’s what I’ve always been taught. But in those moments, I felt powerless as the tears began to pour from my eyes.

After the initial shock died down, I had multiple doctor’s appointments and blood tests to find out that, medically, everything was fine. I was healthy, alive and grateful, but still without an explanation for what happened. I took it as a sign from the universe that what had happened to me was so that I could reassess where I was in life and prioritize what really matters.

We know that the relationship between hair and black women is a very intimate one, but throughout this process, I’ve learned some very valuable lessons.

losing all my hair — Photo: Danni Roseman

losing all my hair — Photo: Danni Roseman

Allow yourself time to heal

So often, when women of color face tragedy or hardship, we don’t allow ourselves time to fully recover and reflect on what has happened to us or those that we love. We feel the need to consistently be strong for everyone else around us, to be the superheroes that the world needs. This situation put into perspective that we need to allow ourselves to be human too. We deserve to take our time, slow down and deal with our emotions.

Sometimes hardships happen to teach us a lesson

Even though there is still no medical or logical explanation as to what happened, I’ve come to terms with it and have moved on. Everything happens to us for a reason, whether we’re supposed to learn about ourselves through the situation or inspire others with our story. Hardships happen to allow us to reevaluate our lives and bring into focus what should really matter.

Even when we think we have it figured out, see a professional

Whether it’s a mishap with our body or struggles with mental health, there has been a long running stigma with people of color and seeking help. We can’t do it all on our own, and sometimes seeing a professional will benefit us in many ways. Even if you think you know what’s going on and you’ve Googled it endlessly, don’t be afraid to ask for help from a professional. Although it might be terrifying, having that security once it’s all over will allow you to feel better.

losing all my hair — Photo: Danni Roseman

Your beauty radiates from the inside out

When you feel comfortable in your own skin, anything is possible. After losing all of my hair, a wave of insecurity passed over me for a few days. I was nervous about if I would still feel desirable, if others would view me differently, how I would explain what had happened… and then I had a realization: I slay no matter what.

When you’re full of life and have confidence in who you are as an individual, tedious details like what hairstyle you have (or lack of hair) won’t matter. After taking agency and shaving off the rest of the few strands that I had, I felt in control of the situation. Choosing not to hide behind masks and fully embrace who I am had allowed me to feel even more beautiful and ready to take on the world.

losing all my hair — Photo: Danni Roseman

No matter what situation you might be going through, the most important thing to remember is that you define your narrative. You have the power to take an unfortunate situation and to learn from it, coming out better than ever. And also remember, you are not your hair. There is so much more to your intricate, beautiful self than what lies on your head.

Want more personal reflections like this? Sign up for our daily newsletter!

losing all my hair

Get relevant content delivered to you once a week