Ever wondered why it’s difficult to end a toxic relationship? Why is it your friends stay stuck with men or women who treat their luxury watches and Chanel bags better than the “love of their life?” I wondered this for years myself, and I’ve noticed when people say they ended relationships that they actually rarely do.

“We are finished and this time I mean it. I never want to hear from you again.”

Countless times we’ve heard this conversation carried out or told to us by family, friends or even read on social media. Over a few cups of coffee this week, I settled down into a few solutions and narrowed those down to three moments that say everything but “We are finished with this relationship.”

1. You Keep Answering the “What are You Doing” and “I’m thinking about you” texts.

Don’t allow someone to loiter in the hallways of your life any longer. If you will work it out, then work it out, if not then tell them to flee from your life. As a man, I can tell you I am a former master-manipulator. I have witnessed people reach the edge of being over their ex when suddenly they reach out via text, photos or flooding your timeline with likes. This is the point where love addiction can take hold of you. People can give just enough love and then leave you emotionally high, then return to your iMessages or DM’s just as you approach emotional wholeness.

You can fight back by deleting every avenue for them to contact you, demanding verbally that you have no more interactions and filling your time with people who acknowledge your worthiness. This used to drive me crazy initially, but over time they’ll get the point.

2. Your Facebook Status says, “It’s Complicated.”

Truth be told, love should never be complicated and neither should commitment. Be honest with yourself and admit nothing has changed since you first approached the subject of cutting things off.

Have an “A or B” approach to resolving the status of your dating life.

“A”, We compromise and decide to grow together while being willing to admit faults and failures from both parties. You just might be able to solve the “complicated” status in your heart and on social media. Odds are, because you have given each other space or needed a break, something in the relationship is fractured and one or more parties might resist going further. If that’s the case, look at the nuclear option of Plan B.

“B”, Let the Lord watch between me and thee when we’re absent one from another. Your time and love is precious and neither deserves to be wasted. When someone can’t see the wrongdoing in their actions, they will drag you into the same arguments over and over again. Change that Facebook status to single, engaged or married because no relationship should be complicated.

3. They’re still in your bed. Look to your right or left, are they laying there?

The next time you make up your bed in the morning, place only one pillow on the bed. This will serve as the beginning to the obtaining clarity over your love status.

Sex is an action that ties up the emotions of the strongest humans. Getting a 2-year-old out your bed is tough, but getting the partner, the protection, the affection out your bed can prove to be strenuous on the heart. My suggestion is stop taking phone calls after 9 p.m. from the desired party and moreover; no in-person visits after 7 p.m. Whenever I called after Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune went off, I was seeking a selfish desire that had little to do with satisfying someone else’s heart.

Don’t fool yourself into believing you are stronger than you are because you listened to “Run The World (Girls)” by Beyonce during the week. Your emotions will run you until you commit to a healthier sexual and mental lifestyle. Be careful not to sleep with the enemy and miss out on your opportunity to connect with who you belong to. Sex can never replace the peace of mind you will have by choosing to lose the loser.

In the case that your desire to hold on proves to be worth it, communicate the failures of your relationship openly. We can become blinded by good times and resist stirring up prior moments of pain. Do the real work to ensure that the love you are investing in is being deposited into someone who sees your stock as a couple on the rise. If that fails, you can always sell and be happy with the riches of peace of mind.

Chris Marvel is a life coach + motivational speaker. You can find out more about him at his website.

What tips do you have for ending a relationship? Let us know in the comments below!

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