Like Justin Bieber, many of us try but don’t do too well with apologies. But we can’t all write a hit song that says we’re sorry when one of our attempted apologies doesn’t quite make things better, so what are we to do?
Science might have some answers on how to make those apologies count. Researchers at the Ohio State University found there are two components that must be included in an apology for someone to feel like it’s sincere, and six components overall that really drive your “sorry” home.
According to the new study published in the journal Negotiation and Conflict Management Research, the most effective apologies contain the following six elements:
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Expression of regret
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Explanation of what went wrong
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Acknowledgement of responsibility
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Declaration of repentance
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Offer of repair
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Request for forgiveness
The study’s lead author Roy Lewicki, professor emeritus of management and human resources at Ohio State, and his co-authors tested how 755 people reacted to apologies containing various combinations of those elements. They found that people reacted best to apologies with all the components, but it was only two that really counted. Taking the blame and offering a fix, Lewicki said, are what matter the most.
“Our findings showed that the most important component is an acknowledgement of responsibility. Say it is your fault, that you made a mistake,” Lewicki said in a statement. “One concern about apologies is that talk is cheap. But by saying, ‘I’ll fix what is wrong,’ you’re committing to take action to undo the damage.”
If you can, the research shows you should try to hit all six components in your apology. If you have to leave something out, though, Lewicki said the least important element is the request for forgiveness. Hopefully that will come without you even asking.
This post was originally published on Teen Vogue.
