I grew up in a very diverse city, a place where you could find people of any color and creed. As a young African-American, it was never difficult to find my connection to my culture as well as connect with people across cultural barriers. The lovely thing about growing up in such a diverse location are the bonds that can help you bridge the gaps between yourself and other minority groups and I definitely took that for granted.

After high school, I moved around a bit, always to large locations with diverse populations. Through my relocations and travels, I feel that I was able to get a good grasp on how diversity brings us together and what culture truly means to not only myself, but others as well. I felt well rounded and secure in who I was and how I connected with others.

It wasn’t until I decided to get serious about my education and attend school in a small coastal community in California, that I experienced a true culture shock. I’ve spent the past six years of my life in this town and as I get ready for my next relocation, I think it’s important to share some of the lessons that I’ve learned along the way.

Ignorance Is Not Malicious

The fact is, the vast majority of people in this area will never know what it’s like to go weeks without seeing someone that looks like them; someone who is the same color as them or shares the same cultural experiences as them.  This situation isn’t exclusive to predominantly white areas. In fact, you will see the same in communities that are largely black, hispanic or any other race. However, this limited contact leads to a lack of understanding. From Trayvon Martin to Donald Trump, I became sick and tired of explaining and defending the black experience in America. Something that I never had to do much of in the past, but for some reason these people just didn’t get it. It’s easy to write everyone off as a self-centered bigot, however, when you drill down to the root of the issue, you may find that ignorance is at the source and ignorance itself is not malicious.

In fact, ignorance can just as easily can come off as benign. I will never forget being attacked by two associates for using the word “negro.” For one, they called it the “N-Word” and proceeded to educate me as to why I shouldn’t use the word. Second, their soap-box-like rant on the word lacked understanding of the context the word has within black culture. It lacked an understanding how we have appropriated the word and use it as a way to identify with one another. While their intentions were good, their energy was misguided; ignorance can often come off as benign.

Experience Trumps Education

In recent years, there has been a shift to fighting discrimination, prejudice, racism and bigotry through education. This isn’t a new concept; I remember a large push for this through the 90’s with things like the “Erase the Hate” campaign. I think these educational efforts are wonderful, but I wouldn’t hang my hat on them.  If there is one thing that living in this community has taught me, it’s that experience trumps education.

I used to try and fight and advocate for the African-Americans of the country who weren’t around to do it for themselves. I thought myself to be a voice for the voiceless for a time; whether to the topic was police brutality, hip-hop or racism in general, I saw myself as an educator. My peers would listen, some would internalize, and many felt like they had learned something. But their thinking wasn’t reshaped and I came to realize the reason. It was because they didn’t have the experiences to connect to my words. Not just mine, many other minority groups within this community offered up their stories as well.  The fact of the matter is, until our white peers could witness and experience exactly what we have, their sphere of understanding will remain the same size.

There’s a certain level of forgiveness that comes when you reach this understanding. How can I be upset with them, when all they’ve ever known is white, all they know is white and chances are, all they will ever know is white.Until their education is substituted with experience, is this conversation worth having?

One of the biggest traps that we fall into, is going into conversations about race and culture with our white peers on the presumption that what knowledge they have should be a substitute for experience.  Knowing what happened to Trayvon has less of an effect than living or witnessing micro-versions of those transgressions every single day.  My girlfriend who is mixed race never really thought about these issues when we got together, it wasn’t until she started to witness these things while being around me that she began to understand and acknowledge.  Experience trumps education.

Culture Shock Is Real

When traveling abroad you can expect a level of culture shock, even more so when living abroad. Culture shock takes on a different form when it happens within your own country, with people who speak the same language as you, eat the same foods, listen to the same music, go to the same schools and watch the same television. In this context, culture shock can be even more isolating, like being a stranger in your own home, an immigrant in your own country.

Once I graduated from college, I stayed in my sleepy little coastal town to pursue a post-graduate degree and get experience in the work force. At the same time, my college friends of the same color (and other colors) were moving away to start their lives elsewhere. Without buddies who shared these same cultural connections, the same jokes, the same mannerisms and speaking styles, I was ultimately lost. Of course, you should be able to make friends with people of other cultures, and I did, but there are some things African-Americans grow-up with that just can’t be shared with outsiders. From simple things like referencing old episodes of Martin and Living Single, to more complex issues like the sorrow we felt over the killing of Tamir Rice—certain things can only be shared with certain people.

I came to learn that the same things that connected me to other African-Americans, my hair, my speech, my tastes, my humor, my parenting—also completely alienated me from the people that I was left with after school was over. It’s not their fault; to them, I was different, I was the outsider, I was something that they weren’t used to.

Through networking events, work-events, parties and night life, I started to realize just how disconnected I was. While I enjoyed the company of the people around me, at the end of the day, there was still a large disconnect—a void that needed to be filled. As a result, I battled depression, I hated the town, I fought tooth and nail every weekend to get out of town and get somewhere that felt more familiar, but even that could only do so much. So I decided to move on, to a place where we are more represented, where I could be a part of culture again and truly connect with the community around me.  

We often take culture for granted, but put yourself in a position to be a complete outsider and you’ll see exactly how important culture is.

Throughout my time in that town I learned that there is a significant difference between racism and ignorance. I also learned that ignorance—a word that often has a negative connotation to it—is not malicious. As we move forward into the future and tackle these civil rights issues that have once again come to the forefront of American discourse, we must also understand that there are a large number of communities in this country that will only know whiteness. This isn’t because of some sort of scheme or plot, but simply because POCs are not well represented and it is up to us to represent ourselves properly and educate when we can, though nothing will ever replace the power of experience. If you’re a person of color looking to move to a small, predominately white university town, expect to face a blissful ignorance that you may not have previously encountered. Accept it, learn from it and leave something good before you depart.