Let’s be clear. Dating is not just texting with empty promises and posting aesthetically pleasing #RelationshipGoals via Twitter and Instagram. Dating is spending quality time with a person of your choosing while establishing a general connection via conversation and similarities. Contrary to common belief, opposites do not always attract. Psychologically speaking, we prefer certain traits to be similar while we prefer others to be complimentary. This is most prevalent in affiliation versus control, according to Psychology Today. Affiliation is warmth compared to coldness in terms of personality and approachability and control is basically dominance versus submission. More than often we prefer a person that is similar in affiliation and complimentary in control. 

I’m a warm and bubbly person in general, so I would not be able to quickly bond to a cold personality. It would further emphasize my awkwardness, and that’s sure to make any date uncomfortable. Enough about the basics, let’s delve into a few tips on dating etiquette. 

1. Don't front on social media. 

Photo: Love & Hip Hop

We all love being the center of the Instagram timeline. Especially since Valentine's Day is upon us, we like to let the rest of the world know that we are loved by someone. However, you can’t let those 'likes' get the best of us. It tends to take us out of reality and into some fantasy world where things are all peachy, meanwhile the communication isn’t there, and the sex is whack! Don't try to convince of a fake love. We can sense a fraud relationship a mile away. 

2. Don't overthink 'read receipts'.

Photo: That's So Raven

When we first meet someone and connect, texting is often the highlight of our day. The cupcake stage has gotten the best of all of us. For all of my iPhone users, you know what it means to be left on read. It’s infuriating and for some reason, we concoct these conspiracy theories about why they didn’t text back. 

“Maybe they just forgot…maybe they aren’t into me…did I say something stupid?…was my joke too corny?…OMG maybe they’ve gotten into some weird freak accident while texting me and are on the way to the hospital and will never talk to me again because I caused the accident in the first place!” 

Our minds are the perfect canvas for these creative images. One thing to remember is that you have to breathe. Step back and take the time to think rationally. Put yourself in their shoes. Why wouldn’t you text back under normal circumstances? We all forget to hit the send button every now and then.

3. Drunk texting is a hard no. 

Photo: FX Networks

Waking up to “jfhuI rhlly like you” is actually not as appealing as you think when you've had one too many and pick up your phone. Drunk texting allows you to have the confidence to say things you wouldn’t ordinarily be brave enough to address, however, the grammatical errors don’t make you appear as intelligent or as genuine as you’d like to be portrayed. Drunk texting can send honest feelings, but your earnestness is usually overshadowed by unruly typos and misguided aggression. Put your phone down after the shots, unless you’re calling an Uber (or Lyft). Don’t embarrass yourself.

4. Put your damn phone down! 

Photo: Saturday Night Live

This one is simple. Just put your phone down. Whether you’re on a first date, or just hanging out at a coffee shop put your phone down and give your full attention to your partner. Nothing’s worse than finishing out your punch line, looking up only for your eyes to meet your partner's forehead and to hear “What did you say?” It’s the most frustrating thing ever, not only because the hard work you put into your joke was overlooked, but it’s very rude. If you want a second date, put your phone down.

5. Practice active listening.

Photo: The Oprah Winfrey 

This goes hand in hand with the previous tip. You can put your phone down and stare at your partner while they talk, but if your eyes are glazed over and your mouth is open, welcoming all types of evil glares, it’s just as rude. Active listening involves carefully examining each piece of information that comes out of your partner's mouth, and applying it to the conversation. A simple head nod and a short comment will do. However, I'd caution the overuse of certain response phrases like “yeah” or “mhm” because they can come across as passive aggressive or sarcastic. Nonetheless, be interested in what the other person is saying. You might actually find a common ground.

6. Never go ghost. 

Photo: The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

Ghosting is basically cutting off all forms of communication cold turkey with no explanation for the other person. Guys are more notorious for doing this, however, women can be just as capable. It’s the easy way out. If you are having a hard time expressing yourself, it’s okay, but you must still go through with it for the sake of the other person. Break the news to them in the best way you can. But never leave someone hanging. There's this thing called karma…and it's only a bitch when you are. 

Don’t be lazy. Communicate.

7. Awkward is OK. 

Photo: Awkward Black Girl

This applies to first dates and so on. Often, when there is an awkward silence we try to fill that space. It’s okay to awkwardly twiddle your fingers and stumble across your words. It happens to the best of us; to some more than others. The best thing you can do is to let the awkward settle in. It makes for great memories and leaves room for you to create your own icebreakers. This gives the other person a feel for your personality. When most people think of awkward, they think of the shy nerdy person who doesn’t know how to interact but that’s not always the case. 

This goes back to the affiliation versus control theory. If the two individuals differ in terms of affiliation, there would naturally be an awkwardness between the warm bubbly personality and the colder more sarcastic personality. Regardless, that silence doesn't always need to be filled. If it stands, it could create its own laughter. It’s like a punchline to an unwritten joke. 

8. Take your time. 

Photo: Love & HipHop

There’s no need to rush into things. Naturally, this generation will go from meeting to talking to dating to breaking up within a few months (or weeks — we're not judging). It doesn’t have to be this way. It’s okay to take your time and not comit to anything you're not sure about. Get a better feel for a potential partner. It’s okay to go on more than three dates before establishing a serious relationship. You can go on 15 dates and it still come to an end, but the point is that it’s okay to move slowly. Pace yourself. 

When I think about dating, I think of it as drinking a fine wine. You want to go in head first and just drink the whole glass, but you realize that you must savor the flavors; swish it around and taste the smallest most distinct flavors. You want to get a feel for the body of the wine and decide if it’s too sweet or too bitter for your taste. Once you figure out what you want from your wine, it makes things a whole lot easier. Treat your dating life like this. 

9. Be willing to accept rejection.

Photo: Empire

This is the most important tip. You must be willing to accept defeat. You can not please everyone and everyone will not like you. Everyone will not laugh at your jokes and find you charming. Some people will take your kindness for weakness and your sensitivity as a flaw. Some people will not want to embrace your flaws. Regardless of whether or not you can please anyone, it is important to remain true to yourself. At the end of the day, you look at yourself before laying down. 

Fam, 

Remain true to your heart and soul and that special person that’s meant for you will realize that you are a treasure. Embrace the fact that everyone won’t like what you have to say, or understand your opinions. That’s what makes us unique; our ability to emerge from a crowd of people. Don’t let it break you. Let it make you the most genuine you that you can be. 

Follow these tips and dating should be a bit easier. We must all take a moment to step back and self-reflect on what we really want out of life. This will make everything else fall into place, slowly but surely.