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When we check social media, what is it that we are really searching for? We scroll through timelines; we like and heart images that seem to be the most amazing. We sometimes do not "like" a picture because of what we see. We envision things that we believe should be what we may want for ourselves; we begin to compare. We even ask our friends to share, like and repost our photos , videos, quotes, babies, announcements and everything in between.

We troll women we do not like. We ask our friends to troll women we do not like. We see women in many images and claim women unite, but secretly despise and tear them down. Again, what is it that we're searching for?

We see friends, associates and sometimes those we do not like "thrive" and decide we want what they have. What is it that intrigues us so much about a photo? What is it that intrigues us so much about what we hear about others? What is it that hurts us to share in success and pass a nugget to help the next woman? What does it do to us internally to see other women succeed when we are still in a place in which we are not essentially where we believe we are supposed to be? Why do we hate to see others succeed, but then tell ourselves it is not jealously or envy? What is wrong with chasing failures?

I'm curious to know if we as women take the time to think about what the journey looked like for the other woman before all the success that you see. Would we still compare ourselves? Everything is perception. We as women compete and compare one another all the time, even in our minds. We wish it could be us or wonder why it is not us in that position. What does it do to our confidence as women? What is it doing to our self-worth? We are so busy watching other women succeed in their lane we begin to lose sight of our own lanes. Is it OK to feel sad and envious? Sure, but what does it do for you to stay in that place?

Competing can be healthy, but in my opinion, women do not naturally compete in a healthy manner. It's as if we were bred to compete as little girls. Boys compete at a young age with the one-up factor, but now it is becoming evident girls and women do the same — except we do it to diminish. We all have gifts and talents that we should tap into or the gifts will naturally fade away. If we do not use it, we will lose it.

To find your place can be frustrating, but there comes a time in which we as women have to stop comparing ourselves to others. We are losing time and the chase of failure will only last for so long. If we as women continue to have this type of dysfunctional thinking, we will continue to have irrational thoughts of self.

We have to break the thought pattern of watching others and then internalizing it to mean we aren't living up to whatever goal we have that hasn't been reached. Instead, why not use comparison to reach personal goals while not internally hurting ourselves? Stop fantasizing and being distracted. Instead, focus on your strengths and self-regulate.

Chasing failure will eventually lead you to that amazing moment in which you will not be concerned about who likes your post or hearts it, and who comes to support you in your moment or whatever your personal vice may be. Chasing failure can build the confidence in you that is needed to push you into the place where you can feel wholeness and growth. We must find the things that makes us presently aware and honest with ourselves.

Will the cycle of comparison end? Probably not, but we should strive to not be in this cycle. We are working on an equilibrium and will pass it along to our girlfriends who are having a hard time. There is so much pressure of simply being a woman! Pop culture has too much weight in that realm, but that is another story for another day.

Get up and go chase some failure and stop comparing your journey! Let me know how it goes, OK?

Janijustice

Writing since October 2019 · 1 story contributed