What exactly does it mean to genuinely and unconditionally love your self? We all understand that the love we have for ourselves is the foundation in which we build our life on. It determines the way we allow others to treat us, it lessens our hunger for the love (or tolerance for lack thereof) from others, and it helps improve our overall happiness and satisfaction with life. But where does someone start if, while growing up, they somehow never developed the fundamental ability?

I found myself getting frustrated when I read well-intended articles and watched carefully crafted YouTube videos about the importance of self love, and I’m met with this concept that often feels intangible. It’s simple to imagine giving love and loving on others, but to love yourself is a mind-boggling idea if you’ve gone through life without solid self-love. Although I still have trouble completely wrapping my head around the idea, these five habits have helped me along my journey of self love.

1. Take Yourself on Solo Dates

You don’t always need someone to tag along with you to have a nice time. Learn to do activities alone and enjoy your own company. Research interesting art exhibits in your area and go check them out. Head to your nearest park with a blanket and a book. If you’re new to this and weary of looking like a loner (it’s all in your head, but I get it), try to do activities at times where it isn’t too busy with couples and groups. For example, catch a matinee rather than going to the movies solo on a Friday night. Have a nice dinner on an early weeknight than on a Saturday night when it’s prime date time. You may find that you enjoy doing certain things all by yourself rather than with company.

2. Start a Gratitude Journal

At the end of the day, right before bed, try to think of at least three moments that happened that day that you were grateful for. Maybe your boss acknowledged how you successfully completed that stressful task at work, or maybe the group text with your friends was notably lit with memes and jokes. Creating a record of these moments will help you to look at your life in a positive light. You’ll begin to go through your day and note the memorable moments that you're grateful for out of sheer habit.

3. Make an Empowering Song Playlist

Do you ever find yourself listening to songs and thinking, “wow, I wish someone would dedicate a song like this to me”? Dedicate it to yourself, sis. Create a playlist of empowering songs that make you feel great when you sing them with an amazing person in mind: You. This could be a wide range of tunes, anything from sappy love ballads to raunchy rap anthems. My personal playlist includes serenades like “Fortunate” by Maxwell and self-righteous jams like “Conceited” by Remy Ma, and of course, the timeless classic, “Back That A** Up” by Juvenile.

4. Write Encouraging Notes on Your Mirror

Take a page out of (Being) Mary Jane’s book and grab some post it notes. Jot down the things that you like most about yourself. If you’re stumped, try to think of your favorite compliments that you’ve been given. It’s great to focus on inner qualities while writing these notes, especially when it comes to thinking of things that make you unique as a person. However, feel free to throw in a few physical qualities that you like about yourself. (i.e. ‘That booty is lookin right’, ‘I see those curls are poppin”)

5. Treat Yourself

If there’s one thing that we have learned from Tom and Donna from Parks and Rec, it’s that every once in a while it is imperative that you treat yo' self. It’s a sign of maturity when we practice discipline in our lives, but it’s also healthy to take a break and do something for ourselves purely for the sake of it feeling good. Do so responsibly of course. You don’t want the stress of financial repercussions for going a tad bit overboard on a shopping spree, or indulging in way too many cupcakes on your cheat day. My favorite way to treat myself is to stay in on a Friday night, order myself a deep dish pizza, light some candles and binge watch episodes of Intervention all night with no shame.

Try your best to incorporate some or all of these into your daily life. Building self-love takes some effort and some time, but you will surely reap great benefits. Having a solid, self-built, unwavering and unconditional love that isn’t dependent on any outside influence will make you a force to be reckoned with.

Simone Jenkins

Writing since March 2017 · 1 story contributed