The stocking are hung by the chimney with care and the stress of approaching family-time lingers in the air. Perhaps for some of us it’s the most dysfunctional time of the year.

If you have a family that’s imperfect but overall makes you feel whole when you’re with them, then don’t miss any opportunity to cherish them. If you don’t, however, it’s time to stop the cycle of leaving the holidays feeling as though you must spend days putting the pieces of your emotional well-being back together.

Stop dragging yourself into toxic holiday gatherings because “it’s family.” No family is perfect, but you must recognize a truly toxic environment and how a toxic environment is damaging to your overall mental health.

Here is an unpopular opinion — you do not HAVE to go home for the holidays. You don’t owe anyone an interaction who contributes to the demise of your peace, including family.

Perhaps you choose not to attend because there are secrets that everyone seems to ignore that you were victim to, or privy to, and you can no longer pretend didn’t happen. Perhaps you choose not to attend because being with family takes you back to an insecure place where you were cast out, cast down and dismissed for being completely yourself. You don’t need to enter spaces where you are forced to compromise yourself so that others might feel comfortable.

Whatever the reason, if you would not enter toxic environments with anyone else, no shared DNA should make you tolerate it from family. Remember that you always have a choice.

Examine this idea that you “have to” do something. Who said so? Our ideas of “have to” are rooted in self-imposed obligations and fears of disappointing someone. These obligations only tear you down in the process and leave everyone else feeling satisfied and you feeling empty.

Perhaps you should choose yourself for once.

Surviving this time of year begins with choosing yourself and dismissing the guilt that comes with that choice. Your peace of mind matters more than what someone will say about you for not attending. That guilt is something you picked up. It does not belong to you so put it down. Let the insults and opinions, especially being called selfish, roll off your back. People are entitled to their opinion, but their opinion should not drive you to make decisions that hurt your mental and spiritual well-being. People will be hurt and some disappointed. You must sometimes live with decisions that hurt or disappoint others if it means fiercely and unapologetically drawing boundaries for your own self-care.

Choose your peace of mind over the expectations of people — even family.

Dee Rene is a connoisseur of writing and snacks. Her focus is holding onto faith in all the things that make us laugh, cry and cuss. Follow her on Twitter: @deerene_ or check out more writing on http://laughcrycuss.com

Dee Rene

Writing since December 2015 · 1 story contributed