Being an unmarried woman (well over the age of 30), I’m constantly faced with the opinions of others when it comes to why I’m single.

“You’re too picky.”

“You don’t give guys a chance.”

One person even said I would always be alone because I have “unrealistic expectations.”

Photo: Giphy

Then there are those who just lump us all into a stereotypical group. Here are five of the myths I’d like to dispel:

1. We are women scorned who hate men.

Though I’ve been burned a few times, I still want a man in my life. I have had to learn why I kept choosing certain men. Expectations of others. Boredom. Loneliness. All of these things may lead you to ignore your natural instincts, and towards a path to dead-end situations.

2. We can’t enjoy dating because we’re consumed with it leading to marriage.

Not all of us spinsters are planning a wedding day as soon as we begin dating a new guy. I myself want to get to know him. Hell, I may not even like this dude after a few meetings and conversations. There is no white dress with a long train waiting in my closet sir, OK?

3. We all secretly desire our married friend’s lives.

You can’t believe that everything posted on Instagram and Snapchat is truly what their day to day is like. The cute holiday pics, date night, canoodling etc. Married couples have real issues that arise. I’m old enough to also have divorced friends and those on the second go-round. I want my own story, not anyone else’s.

4. We are obsessed with our biological clocks.

Many single women who want to be mothers with no partner in sight, may choose to adopt a child or elect to have in vitro fertilization via a donor. I myself like kids (contrary to popular belief), but don’t want to physically bear children. I even adopted a senior dog to avoid the potty training. If I meet a guy who already has kids (please, no more than 2 that are at least in high school, and from one baby mama), I’m open to that.

5. We must be choosing to focus on our careers.

Neither I, nor my single friends, have made a conscious decision to remain alone in order to be boss chicks. I think we’re smart enough to walk and chew gum at the same time. If anything, we welcome the support of our dreams, especially from a guy who has a certain expertise that lines up with what we’re trying to accomplish.

What are some of the single lady myths you’re challenged with?

Urban Spinster

Writing since March 2017 · 1 story contributed