I know It's very controversial when it comes to focusing on Black women’s necessities, but we must stand on the truth and only the truth. Coming from someone who was married, I was called to crush this topic; I have all the gems. My story was not cute at all. It was ugly, but It ended in God's grace.
All women deserve love without suffering. Indeed that is true, especially for Black women who have been a target. We have suffered a lot. The great news is that it's never too late to rekindle your self-worth and rise up. Relationship trauma is real; it's so real. But it doesn't have to be your future! Relationship discernment is needed in this new season of your life.
Back in April 2020, I shared my story on Twitter because I knew it would help so many women who were dealing with the same thing on a smaller scale than me. I was married for two and a half years, and I am so grateful that I left the marriage on my first attempt. It never takes me long to realize certain people and situations are not for me, but was blinded by the vacations and hurting behind closed doors.
Black women shouldn't have to suffer behind closed doors when it's a whole world in front of us. Sharing your story can set you free from self-blame and self-shame. When we lose people, we should celebrate the fact that people who were sent to destroy us can only push us on our path to pursue our purpose. It's never personal, it's purpose.
My ex-husband confessed that he cheated throughout our marriage in another state for about two years. He ended up making two kids behind my back. I know you're wondering why he decided to tell me. Conviction is why — and conviction will eat you alive. He admitted that he allowed the devil to use him, but that sounded like a personal problem to me. You can read more about my story by heading over to my pinned tweet on Twitter.
Please teach your daughters that loyalty doesn't mean taking unlimited pain from a man. Dear Black women, please stop riding until the wheels fall off. What happens when you're stuck trying to fix a flat that's unfixable? You must tell yourself when it's time to clear out unnecessary inventory in your life. I want more for Black women. I really do.
My sincere letter to the Black woman
Dear Black woman,
What happened to you is not your fault. What you allowed shouldn't hold you back from forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself, because you are worthy of a fresh start. You don't have to continue to accept emotional and mental abuse. You are deserving of a new chapter in life.
Self-blame shouldn't be your reality, nor self-shame. You are not alone, because I stand with you. I know how it feels to be betrayed and humiliated in a relationship. I used to live and breath humiliation because I thought It was a form of loyalty. You don't have to suffer the anxieties and panic attacks over a relationship that is triggering towards your mental health. You don't have to stay in a relationship that's dead. In fact, you have the power to dead the situation yourself and move on.
The beauty of moving on is living in your truth and your purpose after you've suffered for so long. Put your mental health first, and don't apologize for doing it! You no longer have to put up a shield and hurt behind closed doors. Get around people that will nourish your soul. The only way to fight off something bad is to nourish it with something good.
I pray you will renew, recharge and revamp every area of your life. I pray you don't mishandle what you've been seeking. Goodness shall be attached to your name. Your next season will scare your enemies. The capacity of your self-worth will crush a weak man. 2021 was made with you in mind!
With love and gratitude,