Labor Day is not only a national holiday honoring America's labor movement, but also the mark of summer's end and the end of wearing whites as decreed by Black grandmothers far and wide. Does it even matter? Perhaps not, but you never challenge grandma law. No one does. You do as she says (never as she does) and respect her gangster otherwise known as grandma wisdom. A Black grandmother's “G”is never tested. It's just handed down from generation to generation without deviation. If you were raised by a Black grandma you know this to be true.
1. When It Comes To Church
You also know you were raised by a Black grandma if you step into church looking like Sunday's best. You know what it is. Your pants are creased so hard, they stand on their own with little help from your suspenders. You got cufflinks, a perfectly knotted tie, a pocket square and a handkerchief. You’ve got on proper pantyhose 'cause grandma don't play that bare leg business. Your hair is laid. Your dress is pressed. You never wear red to church 'cause grandma proclaimed "Red is for fast ass girls."
2. When It Comes To Dating
You know you were raised by a Black Grandma if you are scared to tell her that you living with your partner while unmarried; much less get cuddly and cozy with Bae under her roof. Grandma don't play that shacking up mess and she ain't with the fornications. She ain't now and she wasn't in her earlier days. Ask your mama. Your daddy could come over to the house, but he sat his narrow ass on the sofa and kept his hands to himself until 9 p.m., when gentle caller hours were over, right up till the day they got married.
3. When It Comes To Eating
You know you were raised by a Black grandma if you cook balanced meals. Grandma had the food pyramid on lock. Preparing three square meals and giving two snacks a day was a way of life in grandma’s house. You better believe those meals were filled with the proper amount of protein, vegetables, fruit, dairy and grains. As an adult, you find it hard to believe people are debating over lone chicken sandwiches, when grandma's fried chicken sandwich came with sliced bread, pickle, hot sauce, mayonnaise and a choice of three sides — two vegetables and a starch.
4. When It Comes To Discipline
You know you were raised by a Black grandma if you walk outside and the mere sight of tree branches triggers you. "Go pick a switch," is a timeless phrase that let many know their ass was about to get lit up. Grandma didn't play around or suffer fools. When she was tired of constantly talking to you and calling your name, 'cause you been cutting up all day, she sent you to the bush in the front yard to pick your own trouble. You better pick a healthy size too, or she’d send you for another. Then she'd commence to whipping that ass in the name of Jesus.
5. When It Comes To Being Prepared
You know you were raised by a Black grandma if your bra doubles as the Barney Bag. Today, you can pull anything out of your bosoms 'cause you get it from your grandma. She showed you that tits are a major life-hack. She made room for emergency cash, keys, ID, mints and cough drops. Runny-nose? No problem. One of the main staples of bra storage is napkins.
6. When It Comes To Fried Foods
You know you were raised by a Black grandma if you fry food in recycled Crisco oil. There's levels to this. And be sure to ask grandma about the specific order of use before it gets tossed out. According to grandma philosophy, the first fry is for French fries and potatoes. The second run is for chicken. Once chicken has been fried a few times, use the remaining grease for fried fish and seafood.
7. When It Comes To Describing Things
You know you were raised by a Black grandma if you refer to your purse or handbag as a pocketbook. Ladies carry pocketbooks and pocketbooks do not touch the floor. Absolutely no one digs around in grandma’s pocketbook. A pocketbook does not get checked in a coat room. As per grandma, a lady and her pocket book are never separated.
Black grandmas are true OGs.
