Boo-Thang Adjacent: 6 Steps To Navigating A Situationship
If you're going to venture into the grey area, this is how you venture through it.
May 23, 2017 at 5:20 pm
A few weeks ago, we did an Instagram takeover for Situationships, a smart and sexy dramedy exposing the twists and turns of millennial dating. Navigating the ins-and-outs of a situationship is complicated in a way that's way beyond a vintage Facebook status. They're definitely not for the faint of heart, so if you decide to take the leap into the murky grey area, we have some tips for you.
Want to hear it? Here we go...
Step 1: Be clear and manage expectations. Let each other know exactly what's going on so there's no confusion.
Communication is key in a committed relationship with labels, so its importance is tenfold in a situationship. Each of you should be 100% clear on what "this" is and even more importantly, what's it's not. You don't want to look up and you've become the Nick Young meme in real life. You want to make sure that you're basically creating a verbal, yet ironclad, contract. While there are no "boyfriend," "girlfriend" or "boothang" labels, you both can place an agreed-upon label on exactly what this "situation" is. Set boundaries: uphold them and respect them.
Step 2: Don't catch feelings. If neither of you have any intent on making something out of the situationship, it's best to not get too attached.
You've booked a "feel trip?" Abort, abort, abort! I know, I know. It's easier said than done, and you certainly can't control the way you feel, but you can certainly avoid getting in the realm of that if you keep #1 close to the chest. If you are totally sure what this situation is and what it will never be, you will make sure to keep a far enough distance so that you don't get too attached. There's nothing much worse than your feelings being one-sided. Unless you both are catching feelings (which again, should be readily known due to the communication noted above), your situationship will be torture. One more time for the cheap seats: don't get too attached! Basically, don't be a paperclip icon on an email.
Step 3: Know your role. If you haven't been made a boyfriend/girlfriend, don't overstep your boundaries.
Know your role, then slow your roll! Once you've communicated and distinctly described the situationship, boundaries should also be set. That figurative line? Don't cross it! Ever! Don't do special things that you would save for a boyfriend/girlfriend and on the flip side, don't expect those things to be done for you. The obvious example is Valentine's Day. Unless y'all have a casual arrangement where you give each other gifts for fun (which again, is a slippery slope because of what those gifts typically mean on that day), don't expect flowers for your coworkers to coo over at your workplace or Edible Arrangements at your doorstep.
Step 4: You ain't gotta lie. If ya'll aren't together, just be honest with each other.
You ain't gotta lie to kick it, Craig! And that's exactly what ya'll are doing. Kickin' it. Nothing more; nothing less. When I mentioned the importance of communication above, I neglected to add a significant caveat: honest communication is key. A major key. There's no reason to #bowwowchallenge what y'all have going on, or front for your friends/family. Doing so actually shows how insecure you are about what you truly have and that you want something more. Navigating a situationship comfortably takes the type of security in oneself that requires little to no concerns about labels. If you're honest with each other, you will have peak fun, both inside and outside the bedroom.
Step 5: Don't put all your eggs in one basket. If you haven't gotten the title, don't assume you need to tie yourself down to one person.
Get your carefree life on! Part of being successful in the previous steps (especially #2 and #3) is having something fulfilling outside of this situation. Putting all of your eggs in one basket is like a basket full of anonymous Twitter trolls—heavy and frustrating. You will lessen the chances of getting into your feelings if you have an array of choices in the roster. Bonus points if someone else in your roster fulfills specific needs that the other doesn't or can't. Your situationship boo has the emotional range of a styrofoam packing peanut? Give a call to sensitive boo and get an emotional massage for the moment. Your situationship boo ain't in the mood tonight and you're a ravenous sex animal? Send that "u up?" text to maintenance boo!
Step 6: Lean on your friends. Sometimes you just need to talk it out, and your friends can be a great support when you're in a situationship!
Bill Withers' Lean On Me ain't just a song, it's a lifestyle. When I tell y'all that my own sisterhood village has yanked me off the edge various times due to my own situationship... Mastercard priceless! When you're not strong, your friends will indeed help you carry on. I'll admit it, I caught feelings in an emotional mitt like an MVP baseball player. I didn't know I'd ever get through it. But, I did. And my friends were a pivotal part of that.
Your friends will keep you from making rash decisions like texting that emotional vomit diatribe, going back to a situationship you ended for your own betterment and catching a charge after you caught your situationship boo with another boo that ain't you. Keep it cute. Your friends will make sure of that. That's what friends are for.
And that wraps it up! Take these gems; embrace these gems. Go forth and prosper in a fun and stress-free situationship? Or...you can always—you know—don't.
Situationships is a fresh and provocative, yet perfectly relatable dramedy that showcases the ultimate reflection of the dating landscape for today’s millennial generation. A topic that’s often experienced, Situationships is about a group of young adults journeying through life, love and the complicated “relationships” they encounter.