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I used to think vulnerability was a weakness. I used to think that if I didn’t have full control of a situation I was blowing my cover of protection, not being one step ahead. I also used to think that it was OK to function in a world of valid relationships with that unhealthy concept.

But the greatest and most valuable takeaway from all of this is that this theory can, in fact, be altered and corrected.

The stain that plagues generations before myself and yonder is the idea that you have accepted flaws and those surrounding you should as well.

“This is the way I am.”

“Take it or leave it.”

“You can’t change me.”

What do we do now once we have accepted flaws and exhausted phrases of how we can’t be changed? Because in all actuality someone else cannot change you. And your flaws are, in fact, your flaws. But, how do we place your flaws and unwillingness to change into a formula of someone unconditionally loving you? When does the conversation translate outside of you? What deeply rooted issues do we need to tackle before compromise?

I see it within families and I’ve lived it. Everyone wants to be right. No one wants to be wrong. We are taught to respect our elders and keep our mouths closed in the presence of an adult conversation. But regardless of age, we are conversing about the same cycle of receiving criticism without love behind it. What I mean by that is, when an individual can ridicule your actions but doesn’t follow up with a genuine check-in to see how you have progressed. And if you are only receiving stones and no love, you automatically consume that energy as an attack. So, now those who are holding the precious title of family are exhibiting reactions of an enemy.

This learned behavior passes on to the next and the cycle continues — because we excuse this behavior and pass it through the bloodline as love. They loved me enough to correct me. But, did they love you enough to show you gratification for the progress of that correction?

Now society is introduced to an individual who believes they are functioning on a level of respect and love when they’re actually casing a defense mechanism and are unable to receive criticism without believing it is an immediate attack. Basic human instinct is to protect yourself when feeling threatened. So, instead of absorbing gems of growth, the stone is thrown back to win the invisible war fully developed in your head.

The design of generational curses needs a serious reboot. The foundation is broken. And yet, seeds of unhealthy communication are continuously being planted and damaging families. It’s damaging relationships. It’s damaging the potential of love.

Where do we go from here? How can we fix the unfixed mindset?

The healing has to come from within. I previously mentioned you are absolutely 100% correct that someone does not have the power to change you. Do you know why? It’s because the only person that can change you is — do I even have to say it?

The first step to any list of recovery is admittance. We have to look in the mirror and acknowledge the fact that there is indeed something broken within the system of love.

Then comes self-love, self-care, therapy, meditation, prayer, etc. But most importantly, you have to be honest about the plan and the goal.

The Plan

Make a list of attributes that you have been told as an individual and attributes that you believe to be true. Take that list and compare it to reasons why relationships are strained. Examine these things closely and challenge yourself to address the misfits. Actions have to be intentional. Actions have to be selfless.

Set the end goal as you work through this process. Is it love for self you are seeking solely? Do you want to mend relationships? Start a romantic relationship? What is it that you want?

The Goal

The goal piggybacks on the plan with the list of unanswered questions. If we take the necessary time to fix what is broken, we can pour energy back into our intentional actions. In some cases, people just want to feel free from negativity. Free from past trauma. Free from waiting for forgiveness. This is why the goal is a crucial step for moving forward. The goal must be concise.

Generational curses are designed to make you fail. They are designed to hold you back from progression and love. We’ve all heard the expression, “nothing changes if nothing changes.” The culture of being set in your ways must be reprogrammed within society. To do so, we have to shut down what we thought we know and reboot the culture with what we know will make us better.

We are all destined for greatness against the odds. We have to believe that and live vicariously through that theory. Generational curses can be broken, altered and saved for the next. It's up to us to define our design and reap the benefits of simply putting one foot in front of the other to move forward in growth.