If you internet frequently, you will see that all over Twitter and Instagram there are several messages targeting women, like self-love and self-esteem. Though this may seem like a trend, these messages are vital to women. Toxic relationships, unfortunately, are not a surprise, but in the wake of several sexual harassment scandals in the entertainment world, our current presidency and domestic violence situations, the subject of unhealthy relationships and self-esteem is a must. Maybe this message for self-love and protecting your energy will get lost in the piles of hashtags and Twitter threads, but maybe this message will also touch a young lady struggling to rebuild her self-esteem.

Know ya self, know ya worth.

This is a simple line from a wise man, but means a lot more than a popping part of a well-known song. No matter what you’re doing or who you’re doing in life, your self-esteem plays a huge role. Do you have confidence in yourself? Do you truly know that you are worth it? Can you walk into a room and no matter who is in there, you know that no one’s shine can dim your light?

When I hear “know yourself, know your worth,” the first thing that pops into my head is that lacking confidence is not an option. People treat you how you allow them, and a confident person with high self-esteem would not allow anyone to treat them anything less than what they deserve. As we grow, our loved ones, like our friends, family and peers, add to our self-esteem. They provide us with love, they shower us with compliments and they push us to be better. This heightens our self-worth and fuels us with positive energy.

So, why do we allow a lover to come in and single-handedly tear down the love that has been built from ourselves and our healthy relationships?

It’s sad when someone you assumed cared about you is the one to bring you down. Whether the negativity stems from having control over you or having insecurities, this causes a plummet in your self-esteem. This person you love lifted your spirits up, and within a blink of an eye, has torn you down piece by piece. When this happens, your thoughts instantly attach to negative feelings about yourself. This forces you now to rely on that person for validation, and the next thing you know, your self-esteem is decreasing.

Therapist Mark Tyrrell talks about a "feeder" on his website, Uncommon Help, and connects this type of man to the mastermind behind the downfall in a woman’s self-esteem during a relationship. The term is used for a man who purposely fattens his wife up so no one can want her, and her self-confidence can decrease.

This is essentially what a man does by projecting negative comments on to you. His words, because you care about him so much, mean a lot to you and your self-esteem. He uses his power to blunt your self-esteem while bolstering his own. It’s a manipulative technique, and even the strongest women have gone through it. Love and information that you confided in with your partner ultimately gets used against you. This may be cliche advice, but unfortunate situations like this mold you into a stronger woman while giving you the blueprint of how you should not be treated.

Too strung out on compliments, overdosed on confidence.

An article talking about an issue is not helpful when it does not provide answers to a problem. The issue at hand is a partner stripping your confidence away from you, leaving you with low-self esteem and not feeling as confident as you once did. We want to regain your confidence, so here are a few suggestions:

• Create a space for healing

There is nothing wrong with being sad. Acknowledge those feelings and use them as a blueprint for what you don’t want to feel again.

• Do things that make you feel good

This could be things you’ll do or wear on your terms because they make you happy.

• Understand

Know that the negative treatment from someone else does not define you. That treatment says a lot more about the other person and the issues that they are struggling with.

• Drown yourself in affirmations

Speak how amazing you are into the air, and make sure you believe those words. You are enough, you deserve to be loved correctly and you are beautiful.