After Draking your way through the 7 stages of grief, you survived the break up. You’ve owned your issues, engaged in some much needed me time and now you’re ready to put yourself out there and begin dating again. But before you go filtering through those DM applications, pause for a moment to take a quick inventory of your relationship history. If you run back the play-by-plays and really analyze the highlights, you’re likely to find that issues that lead to the demise of your relationship were evident early on. The arrogance, selfishness and disregard for your feelings — those were your red flags.
1. He’s dehydrated
2. He’s rude
He’s super charming but he’s kind of a douche to the Uber driver and the restaurant host and the guy who tears your movie tickets…and his grandma. This is a character issue. Do not underestimate his gangsta. RUN! Behind the charisma, dude is slaw.
3. He talks down to you
Always with the slight diss and backhanded compliments — you can count on him for it. Whether it’s your personal style, your hair, or the way you chew — invariably, he leaves you feeling mildly belittled after every interaction. You may be confident but you’re also human. This kind of subtle berating will eventually erode your esteem. You don’t need that baby girl. Next…
4. He changes the rules
He just wants to be friends. No, now he wants commitment. Don’t dare entertain other guys. Oh wait…now you’re moving too fast. He’s just not that into you. Exit rollercoaster platform right.
5. He’s the prize
You’re constantly reminded how lucky you are that he chose you. “Do you know how many females he curves on the daily? You should be thankful you landed him.” It might look like arrogance, but it’s really insecurity. Either way, unless you’re trying make stroking his ego your full-time gig, I’d suggest you find the nearest exit.
6. He’s not invested
The relationship has graduated from cuffing. He has officially placed you on wifey alert and you have factored him into your life in tangible ways. Still, his actions are severely lacking. Nothing about his actions would indicate that he’s invested. He’s all talk. When the words and actions don’t align, it’s definitely time to chuck the deuces.
7. He’s way too secretive
Because folks always in his business, he’s got a laundry list of dating don’ts. No pics, no social media, no dating out loud, and even behind the safety of his extra Darth Vader phone screen tint, he still flinches when you walk up behind him. Ma’am. Ma’am? You’re a side piece, ma’am. Your bae has two wives, a concubine and four children. Unless you’re trying to be one the of the sister-wives, please see yourself to the door.
8. He’s full of excuses
He meant to do it. He would have shown up. He had every intention of calling, but… Cut it out. There will always be a but.
9. He’s never satisfied
You surprise him with dinner, he prefers white rice to brown. You clean up his place, he likes his vacuum marks facing south. You do his laundry, he wants his white tees rolled, not folded. Boy, bye. Save that energy for someone who appreciates it.
10. He’s superficial
He treats you like a queen except he’s completely uninterested in your goals, your interest or conversation. He’s completely happy for you to just nod, smile and be pretty. You’re a trophy and that’s cool if you’re into that kind of thing, but just know you can’t be plastic forever and with a bond this shallow you’re easily replaceable.
11. He doesn’t have your back.
When shade is thrown your way, he doesn’t come to your defense. In fact, sometimes he seems to egg it on. Unacceptable. What’s the point of having a partner if they’re not on your team? Tell ’em Devon.
Dating should be fun. Enjoy the process, be who you are and meet others where they’re at. Never go into a relationship with the intention of changing someone or making exceptions. Understanding your deal-breakers, maintaining your standards and paying attention to your instincts and visceral reactions will save you from unnecessary heartache. And leave space for the right person to come into your life.
Comment below, #BlavityFam. Tell us your dating red flags and why they shouldn’t be ignored.
