Everything I Needed To Learn Happened After Graduation

I remember looking at the countdown clock on my computer. It was Monday, I was standing in the middle of my Student Union and my hands began to sweat. I was nervous and my mind was moving a mile a minute. I can recall several of my friends asking me if I was excited for graduation and all I could do was fake laugh. I was scared because I knew that in four days, graduation would be here and unlike my friends who seemed to have their lives together, I, on the other hand, did not.

I had no apartment. I had not been accepted to a graduate program. I did not have a full-time job lined up.

I kept being asked, “What do you plan to do when you are done?” and honestly, I had nothing. In my five years of my college experience, it had taught me that every time someone asked me a question I needed to have an answer that showed that I was a critical thinker.  But this time around, the words for what I planned to do with my life escaped me. I thought college was going to teach me everything I needed to know about being a young, black queer man, but it was not until I graduated that I learned some of the most critical things about what it means to be a graduate.

• The struggle is real.

I graduated from California State University, San Bernardino almost 11 years ago and the job market still has not fully recovered from what took place in 2008. Looking for full-time gigs in this day and age is not only difficult but a job in itself. But no one told me about the levels of anti-Blackness, anti-queer and anti-education rhetoric I would have to navigate outside of the institution. Even more, no one told me how important it was for me to understand the difference between having someone who went up for you, versus having someone who can help mold you.

• Know the difference between a mentor and a sponsor

For several years, specifically when I made the decision to go back to graduate school, I had several people tell me that I needed to find a mentor to get to my next goal. For years, I asked several people to mentor me because I believed that it was the right thing to do as I navigated my post-undergrad years. After several failed attempts in finding a mentor, I learned that the only way to make it in this world is by having a sponsor. After having a friend recommend the book, “Forget a Mentor, Find a Sponsor: the New Way to Fast-Track Your Career”, I learned that as a Black queer doctoral candidate, I needed to have someone in my corner who not only pulled for me but had my back. While it is important to have someone in your corner to help build your self-esteem, a mentor rarely helps you make it to where you need to go. You have to have someone in your life who not only knows your struggle but can help you make strategic moves in your journey.

• Money ain't everything.

On several occasions in my own academic journey, I had people hype me up about finding a great job after finishing my degree. I noticed that folks even went as far as to ask me about what I planned to do with my degree over being excited for the fact that I was even graduation. I learned quickly that folks put a great deal of emphasis on how much I was going to make over what I knew and often that left room for imposter syndrome (the feeling of not being enough) to take over my joy of graduating. I share this because when I did find a job that I thought was going to provide me with a heavy cash flow, I learned that I hated everything about my job. I hated the people, I hated my role, I even began to hate myself. Though the money was good, I still hated the person I was and the person I had become. Even now, almost 14 years later, I am still working to create the life (and career) I want because I am learning that all things that glitter are not gold and gold does not equate to happiness.

• The friends you have now will NOT be the friends you keep. Trust.

I remember on graduation day being so excited to walk across the stage with my friends. Now, I rarely even talk to them. Life happens and people find space in their life for other people. Knowing this, it is extremely important not to let your current friends hold you back from going to new places and seeing new things (more on that later). Remember some of these people in your life are only put in your life for a short time to teach you something about who you currently are and who you are meant to be. They will change after graduation. They will stop reaching out and this is okay. Know that once you graduate, your life will change and so will the people you call your ride-or-dies.

• Be ready to say yes to anything and everything.

The worst thing I could have ever done was not take a chance on myself. This led me down paths of imposter syndrome, years of fear in different positions and most, certain times in my life where I was filled with mounds of regret. After graduation, do something that scares you. Do something that takes you out of your comfort zone. As Black people, we are never encouraged to look for opportunities to live our best life and this is now your chance to do just that. Remember, no risk taken is no risk gained.

In all, graduation is a scary time. But so is life. Acknowledge that everything you learned in college is enough just to get you over the hill, but what you truly need to know will come when you reach the bottom of it. Be prepared to fall. Be prepared for disappointment. Be prepared to have the best time of your life excelling in areas you never thought you could.

Yes, your years in college may be done, but your life has only just begun.