I’ve never been comfortable with the term “hater.” To me, it just feels a bit self-aggrandizing to assume that some mass of people are looking at my humble life with enough admiration to muster up jealousy. Politicians, the uber rich and those famous celebrity types who choose to live their lives out on the public stage are one thing, but for the rest of us out here quietly grinding about the business of our daily lives, the concept of haters just feels silly.

Still, they’re out there. With the onset of social media and our increasingly visible, shared, tweeted and liked lives, we have created a culture of hyper visibility within our own social circle of friends and followers. By sharing our triumphs and sorrows and inviting people to experience the most mundane and exciting aspects of our daily lives, we have become our own paparazzi. Of course no one is going to be calling Page Six to report that late night ice cream run, but that doesn’t prevent the occasional critic from scrolling, judging and (dare I say) hating on snapshots of our lives.

If you have ever been the target of hateration, you might recognize these 13 kinds of haters:

1. The Patronizer

“Awe, congratulations! You finally finished school. That’s nice.” Wait, I’m confused…she said congrats, it sounds like a compliment, but what’s with the condescending tone? And, why the “finally?” The Patronizer elevates themselves by talking down to others.

2. The Prodder

This tricky character quietly antagonizes and prods, and when someone finally gets fed up with their shenanigans, they play innocent, like they have no idea what provoked that reaction.

3. The Veiled Insulter

This one throws shade at everything — from your appearance to your background to your credentials — but they hide their demeaning jabs with smiles and subtle anecdotes.

4. The Pessimist

Try not to take it personally. The Pessimist is just a hater of life in general. With this kind of overall negative orientation, they always magnify the worst and stand in habitual side-eye of virtually everything and everyone.

5. The Spinner

It’s not enough that they low-key detest you, they need accomplices. They go extra hard to discredit you, tarnish your character and convince others to question your motives. They put a negative spin on everything you do and sponsor J. Edgar Hoover level propaganda campaigns to recruit allies in their hate.

6. The Crab

The crab imposes strict penalties for anyone who dares to crawl outside the barrel. They can’t stand to see you doing well, and will bring up the worst of your past, employ the silent treatment, enact social exclusion, whatever it takes to put you back in “your place.”

7. The Performer

This person is actually a friend…until there’s an audience. Not only do they relate to you differently in mixed company, but you become the butt of the joke when other people are around.

8. The Guilt Tripper

You’re not sure how it happened, but somehow you have found yourself responsible for another grown adult. The Guilt Tripper is a master of manipulation. Dare say “no” to their irrational request for support, and watch the temper tantrum begin.

9. The Deflector

Despite a pattern of constantly finding themselves at odds with others, it’s never EVER their fault. They don’t have the capacity for self-examination. When conflict arises, they deflect blame and paint the other party as the villain.

10. The Deflater

11. The Instigator

The Instigator gets their thrills from keeping up drama and instigating mess. What sounds like genuine concern and thoughtful questioning is just them collecting and delivering information between parties to stir the pot.

12. The One Upper

When they see you winning, it literally makes them itch. They desperately need to feel above you.

13. The Sabotager

The most dangerous type of hater is the one who actively seeks to sabotage. They will lie, manipulate, disclose harmful information and do whatever it takes to undermine your relationships, your work and reputation.

No one is perfect. Everyone has their personality quirks, but if hating is a consistent part of their character, it’s probably best to chuck the deuces and keep it moving. All that negative energy is harmful and draining, and as tempting as it might be to address it and prove them wrong, there’s about a zero percent chance of anything constructive coming from that kind of interaction.

When it comes to curbing haters, here are a few of things to consider:

Start with you

How do you treat people? How do you speak about others? It’s never a bad idea to take a look at yourself to see if you are doing anything to invite this kind of toxicity into your life. This is not to say that other people’s problems are ever your fault, some people just hate for no reason at all, but there’s no harm in a good self-check to make sure you’re holding yourself accountable for your part.

Have a little compassion

From an empathetic perspective, it might be helpful to recognize that beneath all that venom is a level of internal misery that has nothing to do with you. Healthy, happy people don’t invest this kind of time and energy into putting people down. If you think their hate is making you miserable, think of how it’s affecting them.

Go high

Ultimately, you’re not responsible for their behavior, you’re only accountable for your own. Just keep living your life and minding your melanated business, and in the words of our FLOTUS:

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