One would think that a relationship between people of different races would be a non-issue today, but the reality is quite far from that. The effects can be felt on various levels, from personal relations with others, to a more general feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong with the way society is structured, particularly on the institutional side.

And yet, here I am, together with my white boyfriend of several years, facing challenges presented not only by our race differences, but our different social standings as well. While he comes from a rich family with a history of successful market ventures, I’ve been in the middle class my entire life and have had to deal with various struggles growing up.

An Understanding Family Doesn’t Always Help

I am lucky enough to be in a relationship with a man coming from a family that doesn’t judge and doesn’t hold on to any outdated values. They also seemed to see through my situation and realized that I was in a disadvantaged stage compared to him financially, and they regularly made efforts to make me feel more welcome and included in everything without flaunting their wealth over me.

But it doesn’t help. At least not in the long run. Maybe it will feel good for a while, but then you realize that people are being extra careful around you, walking on eggshells with every sentence they speak, and it just doesn’t feel natural. Not at all. In the end, I’m not sure if one extreme is worse than the other, but it’s definitely something to think about.

Seeing Judgment On A Daily Basis

It’s hard not to notice all the looks we get just walking down the street. We each dress like we’re used to, and the fact that we are from vastly different economical backgrounds is probably very obvious to most. And I don’t know if it’s the combination of that and my skin color, or just my perceived financial inferiority to my boyfriend, but some people definitely don’t try to hide the fact that seeing us together makes them turn their heads.

This sometimes extends to places where you really shouldn’t expect it too – like institutions and other “official” settings where racism should be all but erased by now. Sadly, that’s far from the case, and we have to continue defending our situation together on a practically daily basis just doing things that other couples consider normal. We’ve learned to ignore it for the most part – I’m not sure he was even that bothered to begin with – but knowing that it’s there in the background definitely sets a different tone to most encounters we have throughout our daily lives. And at some point, it gets exhausting and you just want it to stop.

Questioning My Own Place

And unfortunately, this has also had an impact on the way I think about my own place in all this, and my relationship with him. Is this actually right? Do I really love him, or are they all correct in thinking that I’m only in it for the relative safety provided by someone of a higher social status and of a race that still gets some unseen privileges? I can honestly say that this has never been a motivation for me, but having to defend my position over and over again has definitely started to take its toll on the way I see things.

In fact, it’s made me more defensive within my own relationship, something which I’ve never imagined being possible before. I’ve had to stop myself and consider some situations from a different perspective more than a couple of times already, and I don’t know where this is all going to end up. Hopefully, nowhere bad.

Standing Up For Myself To Prove That I Can

On the other hand, this situation has also inspired me to look for more opportunities where I can stand up for myself and show that I can handle my own life without the assistance of my boyfriend. Which to me means that I obviously love him for who he is. But of course, going down this road has not been easy, and I’ve had to make some sacrifices.

For example, when I needed to get a new car, I could have asked him for assistance. In fact, he had offered his help multiple times before that, as he knew I was in the market for a new vehicle. Instead, I decided to take out an auto loan and resolved the situation completely on my own. It was not easy, and I did feel the extra financial pressure mounting over me through the months, but I went to bed with a smile every night knowing that I was standing up for myself properly.

Is It Getting Better?

All things considered, I think my situation is improving, and the negatives are slowly starting to fade away as the benefits of our relationship have taken over. There are still some issues that will have to be dealt with – including some that will require attention from both sides – but we’re slowly moving in that direction, and things are aligning well, so far. It also looks like I don’t have to keep putting that much effort into the smallest problems on a daily basis anymore, which is certainly a refreshing change from the beginning of our relationship.

I fully believe that our society definitely has not forgotten some of its “values” from the past, and racism still exists in various forms, especially when combined with issues related to class and finances. But standing up for oneself is also easier than ever, and many people are willing to lend a hand and give their support these days, much more than we’ve had in the past. As long as enough people pay attention to what’s going on and we get the support of society as a whole, we’re going to find ourselves in the right spot eventually, and it’s going to feel great once we’re there for good. Especially for those who’ve struggled.