When I was asked to be a “bridesman” by one of my dearest friends in the world, it felt as if I was in a dream sequence. Cloud Nine, if you will. A few months after she got engaged, my friend, Maria, popped the question to me and I was immeasurably honored. It’s one thing to be invited to someone’s nuptials but there’s an entirely different level of prestige in being asked to partake.
For the next three years, pure joy lived in my head rent-free as the reality of supporting my sister on her big day crept closer and closer. Little did I know, being one of the supporting actors in her role of a lifetime would have an everlasting impact on my views of love.
Below are some of the lessons that I learned, along the way.
The novelty of Black love
Black love is an understated form of rebellion that should be celebrated and protected at all times. In a world that has done its best to dismantle Black families, be it slave auctions or disproportionate incarceration rates, it was an absolute blessing to witness the ultimate clap-back: marriage.
The beauty of friendship
Coming together alongside women from various pockets of Maria’s life that she knows and loves, to celebrate this pivotal moment in her life was a privilege. It was a delight to collectively shower this one person in love, which is reflective of the love that she has given all of us when we most needed it. This moment pushed me to reflect on the importance of showing up for my friends, through thick and thin.
I should give love a chance
I’ve never considered myself relationship-oriented until now.
Love and relationships are aspects of the human experience that I never saw for myself. I have always been career-driven and obsessed with figuring out ways to overachieve myself but this moment has caused me to sing a different tune. There's something inspiring about seeing two people declare their love for one another in front of the people they love the most.
I am not my accomplishments
I am typically someone who has found value in my accomplishments. In an effort to unlearn that toxic, capitalistic mindset, I have learned that I am most fulfilled by seeing my loved ones thrive. Witnessing my sister exchange vows with the man of her dreams was much more fulfilling than any celebrity interview, job offer or promotion could ever be. Being a part of this wedding helped me to realize that my accomplishments don't define me — the moments in joy do. And that's okay.
Gratitude over altitude
I'm certain that this was the most important day of my friend's life as planning a wedding in a pandemic isn't the easiest task, I'd imagine. Nonetheless, I was in awe. Not only by the magical undertones of the entire experience from the beautiful ceremony to the reception that could easily be on a scene of Real Housewives of Potomac but by her gratitude for us.
All weekend, she made it an effort to ensure that we, her bridal party, were taken care of and even lavished us in gifts as a token of her gratitude. To know that she appreciated us in such an endearing way, made this experience all the more special.
Black love is a beautiful thing and I’m grateful to have been apart of it. Maybe one day I'll pop out with someone's son.
