Most women can say that they’ve been cheated on, lied to or manipulated at some point in their life. I’ve been through all 3 and it was by the same person…my ex.

In high school I dated a guy named Mario for three years, he was two years older than me so naturally, he was the first of many for me. My first “real relationship”, my first kiss, and although he didn’t “take my virginity” I considered him my first. We went through hell and back. From sneaking into his house, my house, skipping school and pregnancy scares.

Once he graduated things went left and we were more off than on because he was quick-tempered and always thought I was cheating; which I learned later was triggered by his guilty conscience. He was a true Gemini. But when you’re in love with a man you think you want to marry, you deal with the back and forth.

After 3 years we broke up for good, I graduated high school, went off to college and moved on. One year later, I received a call from him. The first thing he said was that he had some things to get off his chest because he was turning his life around and didn’t want me to hear what happened from anyone else. I remember feeling confused and nervous about what he was going to confess because I hadn’t spoken to him in months. Did he get married, have a baby, what?

Then he dropped the bomb on me. During our relationship, he was cheating on me with his best friend's girlfriend the entire time.

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To be completely honest, I wasn’t completely shocked because I had my reservations about how close they were. All the times he had to help her study or pick her up because her boyfriend, his best friend, couldn’t do it came towering into my memory like a ton of bricks. While I wasn’t surprised, I did, however, feel incredibly stupid for not sticking to my gut and pursuing the issue. I specifically remember a time where we had an argument about her calling him late at night too often and after nearly cursing him out he reassured me that he was just talking her through the issues between her and his best friend.

I know now it was more than that.

After he had his coming to Jesus moment we hung up and the shock settled. I was left feeling angry, stupid, humiliated but most of all confused. Was I not good enough? Did I not please him? Was I not beautiful? Did I nag him too much? Was I not showing him enough attention? What did I do wrong?

Those same questions weighed on me for almost 10 years. Yes, I’d moved on. Yes, I had another partner and even had a daughter, but yet I was mentally stuck in the past. The unanswered questions and his deceit caused issues in my new relationship. I was unable to fully trust because I was afraid that my new man felt the same way my ex did.

If my boyfriend said he was studying with a classmate, I got anxiety and needed him to check in with me every ten minutes. In the back of my mind, I automatically accused him of doing something else. Those unanswered questions caused me to become extremely insecure, even more than I already was.

I quickly realized that I needed answers. And 8 years later I got them.  

I received a Facebook message from Mario at the end of last year asking me to go to dinner with him because he wanted to talk and catch up. My first initial reaction to his invitation was hell no. He practically ruined my life and if I saw him there was no telling what I might do.

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Not to mention my boyfriend wouldn’t approve of me going on a date with my ex. But then, I thought about my life in its current state and how damaged I had become due to the unknown. This meeting wasn’t about anyone else. It was about me. I needed answers to my questions. I needed closure. So if a date with my ex was how I could become “normal” again then so be it.

The night we met up, we talked for over 4 hours and I walked away with something more than closure. I walked away with my sanity. For a long time I was angry with him for ruining me but that night I walked away knowing that it wasn’t my fault. I did nothing wrong. He was the one that was damaged. He was the one with the issues. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It’s almost over a year since our “date” and I’ve seen a tremendous change in not only my present relationship but in me. I’m not 100% back to my old self, and I don’t think I ever will be, but our date helped me realized that I don’t want to be.That relationship was 10 years ago and it’s okay to grow and there should be change.

His infidelity taught me about trust, about what I will and won’t accept, and more than anything it taught me a huge lesson on forgiveness and letting go.

It might not be for everyone, but for me going on a closure date with my ex was the best decision I ever made.

Have you ever been on a closure date? Share your story in the comment section below.