One of the advantages of dating apps is being able to pre-screen potential mates without the socially awkward nerve-wracking initial encounter that our generation Y, millennials and the ones who will come after us seem to have a hard time pinning down. Present day social constructs with the aid of technology have moved us away from generating interpersonal bonds, and hindered our ability to connect person to person, in person. We choose to avoid the eye contact of passerby's, have our faces buried in our phones (even while out to dinner with a group) or simply deny interaction all together and become homebodies.
Such social constructs can make a concept like dating, or dare I say, courting (does anyone even use that word anymore?), seem as foreign as fire to the first cave men. Personally, I am an introvert who, through performing, learned how to become more extroverted. It's not as scary as it might seem. When I depleted all of my "extrovertedness," I had to learn how to express that I was ready to retire from the interaction in a way that made me feel like the connection was invaluable to my experience, and hopefully to the other person as well. When it comes to outwardly expressing interest in someone, there has to be an underlying confidence that is backed with the reassurance of: "Hey, even if they aren't feeling me, I'm still quite a catch."
Where does this confidence come from? That's where the idea of self-care becomes so important. The notion that you are the most important part of your day should not lend itself to narcissism. In an already overly self-absorbed world, it can be easy to fall prey to overly self-indulgent feelings. However, if you don't believe it, who else will?
The moment you start looking outside of yourself for someone else to complete you, you will only find a rotating door of partner after partner that doesn't seem to fit quite right. Eckhart Tolle, in his book, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, names it as "a match made in heaven" that turns out to only be "compatible pain bodies" (our ego's hurts, disappointments and defenses that we use to navigate this life). We circulate around those who match us energetically, the genuine idea behind "birds of a feather, flock together." The "feel" we personally carry around with us is what will draw the kind of associates, friends, living situations and lovers we experience.
So how can self-care ameliorate the type of interactions we have with others? Taking time to manage your mind, body and spirit can give you a self-reflective opportunity to dig deeper into what makes you feel completely grounded in who you are, and who you would like to continually evolve into becoming.This holistic approach is what grows your ability to see how all the areas of your life are interwoven. With a positive intention to exude love, your thoughts become brighter, making the effort to see the silver lining and finding gratitude in situations. Your body, in turn, becomes lighter. You will begin to feel a need to take better care of your outward appearance which starts from the insides (I'm literally talking about your organs). Not only will you monitor your thoughts, but what goes into you body as well. In another post, I will talk about how to eat energetically clean. As you navigate your way towards feeling better, carving out two minutes of your day to floss before you brush your teeth won't feel so much like a chore, but more like a ritual of care. This in turn automatically increases your own perceived self-value which is mirrored through the confidence you feel as you go about your day.
Only when you operate in love from a place of abundance and not lack, are you able to attract a match that is just as confident within their own value as you are. As an added bonus, who ever you do meet on Tinder, or wherever, won't have to wonder what that interesting smell might be and cordially have to pretend they forget to pay the meter. Start slow: give yourself a pep talk about your strengths before you leave the house, have a meal with leafy greens, touch your toes and reach for the sky. Once you give yourself the space to see how taking care of yourself first will draw younger, livelier and overall healthier encounters towards you, something as trivial as a regular floss routine will feel like the right person is around the corner.