Men don’t take rape seriously. How could we let a man, who openly admits to fondling women, who has dossier pages long full of indiscretions and incidents involving women — including but not limited to a rape later recanted by a former spouse and a voice recording of him literally saying, “grab em’ by the p***y — sit in the highest seat of power in the land? This isn’t the first time Americans let a man like this sit in the chair either, and unfortunately, I don’t see that changing very much in the next four years. Often when in the company of other men, I hear the trivialization of sexual assault. It is a thing that happens to anyone weaker than them, a thing that only happens to people who can’t protect themselves or who doesn't have men around to protect them. These types of men don’t believe that this is a part of the problem. It's these men, and their sons, that yell things like “I JUST RAPED YOU SO HARD BRO!” or “I JUST F****D YOU IN THE ASS BRO!” While playing — literally any iteration of– Call of Duty or any of its first person shooter contemporaries and contend that it is just “locker room talk”.
These “jokes” aim to de-legitimize the seriousness of sexual assaults. Someones very real trauma is repeatedly reduced to punchlines for cheap laughs. The men who do this will have or do not have children and if that isn’t sad enough, these men are sometimes fathers to little girls. These are men that claim they are “decent”, and “good” to women. These "decent" and "good" men play the blame game and become apologists or devil’s advocates when faced with any topic broaching the seriousness of sexual assault. They focus on the damage done to reputation via ‘false accusations’ as if it is somehow equivocal to having their bodies invaded and violated.
They keep phrases that begin or end with “maybe if they didn’t” or “they probably should’ve” and “but what about personal responsibility?” in their breast pockets, waiting patiently to trot it out at any moment, obfuscating the fact that only 2-8% of reported sexual assault cases are false and even with documented evidence and eye witness testimony rapists still walk free.
Men run the system and author its laws. it's no coincidence that the overwhelming majority of sexual assaults are committed by men and 90% of sexual assault victims are women. If “not all men”, then which ones? Could it be the ones women talk about in these assaults that are the only ones to be rebuked, ridiculed and questioned? Or maybe the guy that yells “You should let me smash!” when women walk past him in the grocery store? Usually, there is someone who has a higher degree of sociological acumen, that I’d cite to sugarcoat this, but, there is no better way to put this. Simply, men don’t care. Men don’t give a fuck about sexual assault.
Men usually care about sexual assault when it conveniently aligns with their political agenda and ulterior motives. They say things like, “ Those [insert black or brown person’s ethnicity or religious identity] come here, and rape our women! It has to stop!” to use this falsehood as a smokescreen for their nefarious beliefs. Others become “overprotective” fathers, obsessed with their daughters' virginity and who takes her to prom while calling it “protection”. Some will go as far as to adopt a caring “feminist bro” persona, talking about how much they love women and want to “uplift” them, only to become just another iteration of the predatory male culture that disregards a woman’s consent just as fast as her rape kit, but refuse to see how they are apart of the problem (even though they know a few feminist buzz words, and say they respect women).
If men cared so much about sexual assault, why don’t more of them listen to the experiences of these women instead of talking over them or finding an opportunity to discredit them? If men cared so much about sexual assault, then why won't they listen to the stories of other men who experience similar assaults instead of reducing the experience to wisecracks?
Perpetrators of sexual assault are rarely jailed. Approximately 90% of attackers walk free, and according to RAINN.org, out of 1,000 attacks, only 344 are reported, only 11 are referred to a prosecutor, and maybe six or seven of the attackers will be incarcerated. This coincides with the fact that roughly two out of three rapes go unreported, and about every 90 seconds someone is assaulted despite the fact that sexual assault totals have fallen by more than half since 1993. According to the Bureau of Justice’s National Crime Victimization Survey 2010-2014, 7 out of 10 assaults are committed by someone the victim knows. 45% of the time it is a friend or acquaintance, 25% of the time it is a boyfriend or a spouse, only 28% of the time is the attacker is a stranger.
Women of color and marginalized genders are in at jeopardy the most. An old study from Tufts University highlighted that approximately 40% of black women experience coercive sexual contact before the age of 18. Black women experience higher rates of partner based violence at rates higher than other communities aside from native women, who are targeted for sexual assaults disproportionately and overwhelmingly by strangers in addition to men in their communities.
For trans women, especially trans women of color, this is a forgone conclusion. “78% of gender non-conforming youth reported significant abuse at school —31% of the youth noted the abuse was from teachers” a report from the National Transgender Discrimination Survey notes. The same report highlights even bleaker prospects for what awaits teen trans women in adulthood, “22-38% of trans people have been harassed by police with 7% being sexually assaulted by law enforcement.Trans people have also experienced violence at the hands of health care professionals: 26% experiencing physical assault and 10% living through sexual assault .” There is nothing in this information to be presumed joke worthy, yet I am sure there is someone in a far away internet comment section somewhere is mining these experiences for comedic gold and looking for something “cool” to yell at the people he kills in some online deathmatch to feel better about himself (the best that he usually comes up with is “I owned you F****t”).
They are the kinds of men who make jokes like “If she eats the food I buy, then its consent!” but will act surprised Ian Connor has been accused of rape multiple times after tweeting “If I eat you out or buy you something you have no choice but to f*** me. I am as serious as I can be with that one”. These are the same men that want us to overlook Cosby’s numerous rape accusations because he was trying to buy NBC and these accusations are “just a plot to destroy him”. The same men who will volunteer the fact that they love women because they "love their momma’s", will ignore all the evidence that points to Nate Parkers actions as a guilty man the night he and Jean Celestin raped an unconscious drunk woman and blamed her for it in favor of his acquittal (on a technicality) because he made Birth of a Nation, a movie about the Nat Turner rebellion (which flopped after the accusations resurfaced). These are the same men who share memes of Danielle Bergomi (the "cash me outside” girl), in sexually suggestive positions, with captions like “cash me in them guts”, despite the fact she is a minor.
We’ve enabled these predatory behaviors so long, men don't know any other way to be. Sons and nephews will grow up to be those men, just like their brothers, uncles, fathers, and husbands that kept the system in place before them.
It’s all fun and games till someone gets hurt, then it's just a joke.
