Like most of Black Twitter, I fell in love with Black-ish from day one. So much that I watch reruns of it on Netflix when I get a chance. Gladly too, because somehow I missed the episode from a few seasons ago where Dre’s female best friend comes to town. While I always tune in for the laughs, this particular episode not only provided that, but it had me deep in my thoughts about whether or not men and women can be just friends.
In case you don’t remember let me do a quick recap. Dre’s childhood best friend Gigi, played by everyone’s favorite model Tyra Banks, came to visit because she was considering moving back home to the LA area. Gigi and Dre have been best friends since they were two, but Dre is quick to point out that they are strictly friends, and his wife, Rainbow (Bow), knows this and is OK with it. However, this visit in particular got Bow all in her feelings, but not for why you would think. Instead of being the “mad black woman” because she thinks her husband is sleeping with his sexy best friend, Bow is jealous of just how close Dre and Gigi are. They were watching movies over the phone together, shopping and getting pedis together. They hung out so much that they both learned Chinese from their trips to the nail salon.
No boo, that’s doing too much!
I fully understood Rainbow’s point of view, and I even applauded her for being OK with their friendship in the first place, because to pursue a man who has a bond with another woman is admirable. Most women would run at the first sign of another woman, myself included. I know myself well enough to know that I’m just not that secure, because my past has tainted my belief that a man can be faithful. Women are out here plotting, thotting and everything else, and all it takes is a set of eye emojis for someone to become your man’s next #WCW.
My boyfriend’s lack of interest in new age social media works in my favor, so I don’t have to deal with what I hear others go through. But if he did, and a chick were to leave a “you cute or whateva” note in his comments, I wouldn’t have any problems sending her a quick message if need be. I’m not a killer, but don’t test me.
My thought always is, if cheating can start over the internet, then how could I be OK with my man having a woman as a best friend in real life? After going through that situation once before, first hand experience would have my stress levels at an all time high. Don’t get me wrong, I trust my man, it’s just to a certain extent. He’s never given me reason to not trust him and he’s truly one of the good guys, however, I do know that men cheat and lie about cheating, so I take my precautions.
Don’t get me wrong, by no means am I advocating for the “all men cheat” theory, because I don’t believe that at all. Women cheat too, and trust me ladies, there are good guys out there who don’t cheat. Don’t roll your eyes, there are! I just think the chances of a woman being with a man that cheats compared to being with one that doesn’t are pretty damn high. Between #MCM, snapchat and it going down in the DM’s, social media and technology has given cheaters easy access while opening up a whole new world for creeping.
Having been cheated on before, one would think I wouldn’t do the same, but I, myself, cheated on a boyfriend with a male that I called my best friend. He and I were friends for almost 10 years. We knew we had feelings for each other, but I was with someone else at the time that we became friends. I have abandonment issues, so once that one ended, another one started, and me and my best friend never had to the chance to give us a try. We had one of those “right person, wrong timing” situations.
My next relationship quickly turned serious because I became pregnant. After giving birth, I felt alone. My boyfriend was in college, so he was barely home, and I was in a city where I knew no one but my daughter. I felt ignored and underappreciated so I talked to my best friend all the time and he became something like my rock. What I know now is that I had postpartum depression and while it’s no excuse, had I been properly educated, I could have seeked the right help.
So for the next few years he became more than just my best friend, and as time went on, I wasn't only cheating physically, I was also cheating emotionally. Although we both knew what we were doing was wrong, we had feelings that, at the time, didn’t seem like they would ever go away.
Once I realize that we had gone too far, I tried turning our relationship platonic. He wasn’t happy at first, but he had no choice but to respect it. We didn’t talk as often and I rarely saw him, but we were still cool. I eventually told my boyfriend because the guilt ate away at me. Telling him the truth was the second hardest thing I had to do, next to telling my mom I was pregnant. But he is truly a good guy and I felt like he deserved honesty.
It wasn’t until a year later that I realized just how much damage the friendship I had with my best friend was still causing my relationship. I was in denial at first because despite the sexual aspect, he was my best friend first. The friendship we built prior to me cheating was genuine, and we helped each other through everything. However, I knew that in order to move forward in my relationship I needed to let go of the past.
Fast forward to the present.
As I sat watching Rainbow pour her heart out to her co-worker about feeling like a third wheel in her own marriage, I couldn’t help but put myself in her shoes and wonder if I would be OK with that type of relationship, knowing my past and knowing what I had done. Boyfriend, husband or fiance, it didn’t take me long to realize that I couldn’t endure knowing that my man was in tune with another woman as much as Gigi and Dre were—or as much as me and my bestfriend were. Call me a hypocrite if you please, but sometimes it takes experience to realize what does or doesn’t work.
By the time the episode was over, I gave a major applause to the ABC writers because they could have easily made Gigi the "homewrecking Heather," or Rainbow the "mad black woman," but yet, they took a different approach. It made me realize that while all platonic relationships with the opposite sex don’t always stay platonic, there are some that do. No matter what you choose, do whatever works to create a healthy relationship.
Do you think men and women can just be friends? Comment below.
