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Privileged in Jamaica and Black in the United States.

Why is that?

I didn’t realize color was a “thing” until I had to live in the United States of America in my 20s. Well, with the exception of my trip to Puerto Rico at four years old, when a little girl told her sister not to play with my sister, because even though our skin tone was seemingly acceptable, the aunt we were visiting was Black (immigrant, not expat like her fairer husband). For quite a few years after my arrival to the land of the free, with the exception of this new thing where I had to pick a box stating “what I was” for every single application, I still went about my daily life relatively oblivious to color/race until the occasional incident occurred that would slow me down for a little — but not as much as a Black American that had experienced this for their entire life.

Some of it even went unrecognized because I was not used to it. So, an incident fueled by racism didn’t appear that way initially, not realizing what that same incident would mean to my Black American friends. There are so many problems with this. Especially since this very thing sometimes led Caribbean people to think we were somehow better than Black Americans because we didn’t walk around “with a problem.”

Oh, but we did. We were just ignorant of it, and that to me is a worse problem because absolutely no change will result with that.

Where I acknowledge that I had/have a privileged life in Jamaica, it would be naive of me to not recognize that being more so seen as Indian or Chinese (with “pretty hair”) before Black (with “unacceptable hair”) by those of darker tones in Jamaica is a problem. It’s just as much a problem as it is that I had to pick which one of my ancestors I wanted to attach myself to for U.S. census purposes. I’m continuously reminded that Black would be the inferior one in both countries. How is that so?

In Jamaica we were raised with Black heroes and Black leaders. So, why then was my mixture, that made me “less Black,” giving me some kind of upper hand? Me, the “pretty little brownin” and not the “Black and ugly.” Why wasn’t my powerful maroon ancestry the better choice, over my Asian, white or Latin ancestry, in a country where Nanny of the Maroons was a heroine (even though debatable for historians)? For the same reason white supremacists still think they are the supreme race. The narrative has barely changed since “freedom” was bestowed in either country. Even with our little country being recognized globally for the work of our citizens of darker tones, it still seems to be better — the pretty little brownin. Black and beautiful is still not as powerful, even in the eyes of the Black and beautiful.

I should have realized sooner that our Jamaican motto, “out of many, one people,” meant something very different to me, the mixed breed. White people don’t see themselves as one of us if put to the test, and Black people hadn’t seen themselves as one people with them either/ever, along with some of my full bred Asian relatives, who would have looked down on me as the mixed breed with the darker complexion. In fact, if I hang out with my white immigrant friends, depending on the setting and my helpfulness, I may be seen as the nanny before being seen as their peer, by both Jamaicans and foreigners alike. The narrative has to change. Caribbean people are not better than Black Americans, and white people are not better than Black people.

I saw a post that said the Black community should look at ourselves in the mirror and take responsibility. I agree, but not with the responsibility it was telling us to claim — responsibility for glamorizing violence, crime and guns in our music and hip-hop culture. Leave creative expression of experiences alone. However, I will give that post a “yes” to looking ourselves in the mirror and taking responsibility for acknowledging our beauty and power, and not waiting for it to be handed to us by people who have zero superiority to us. We then should move away from the mirror and correct people on phrases like, “Black and ugly” or “pretty for a Black girl.” We should arm ourselves with the knowledge of all the great things Black people have done, and constantly voice those things to those who don’t seem to know.

Let us take responsibility for stepping outside of the bubbles and boxes other people try to tell us are best for us. And most definitely, let’s walk away from the eurocentric ideals of beauty that cause Black people nothing but pain and lost valuable time.

But we will not take responsibility for the systematic oppression handed down for generations, and we will not take responsibility for results of that. And we will not make it our responsibility to make mental changes for anyone who feels threatened by us.

We are Black, beautiful and worthy of life on this planet just as any other race. Enough is enough, we are claiming it! Afterall, there is enough abundance on this earth for all races, all humans, to not only coexist while living free from oppression, but also to thrive.

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