Just about everyone has a friend who has gone to teach English abroad, most likely in Asia. I was stuck between careers trying to figure out how to work overseas when a friend suggested I attend an open interview session for English teachers with her. Less than five months later, I touched down in Fukuoka, Japan with no preconceptions or plans, and absolutely no Japanese language skills. I planned to approach the whole thing with a completely open mind; see what I could make of a completely new way of life. During my time there I was amazed at the direction that many of my conversations took. Some things that I thought I'd have to explain were immediately understood, and others needed a frustrating amount of exposition.

1. Black Hair Really Isn't That Confusing

During my orientation, my trainer told me very nicely that I needed to tie my long dreadlocks back. She explained that small children who had never seen locs before would not hesitate to treat them like a jungle gym and I would never get them to focus if my hair was right in arms reach every time I turned my head. It wasn't a requirement, it would just make my life easier. When I met my manager, who was at that time 27 years old and just three years older than me, I told her I was glad there were no strict rules about my hair. She looked genuinely confounded. When I told her that some places in the U.S. don't allow black hair styles she said "But…isn't that…how your hair…grows?" When I told her yes, she curled her lip and said "…that doesn't make any sense. If you're hair was like mine and you chose to make it that way I'd understand, but how can you just change the hair on your head?"

2. Black History Really Isn't That Confusing

A few months later I went to a nearby bar to grab a drink with that same manager. The bar usually played movies on mute, but for some reason they had the news on that night and it was showing coverage of the beginnings of Black Lives Matter. The news report was replaying scenes of police brutality when my manager turned to me a bit suddenly and said something I could have never anticipated. "I like to go to Korea for fun. Sometimes when I go people spit on me. They can tell I'm Japanese so they spit at me. I don't mind, I can take it because of what we did to them. But black people didn't do anything…" She then turned to the bartenders, who didn't speak any English and explained what she was saying to me. The three of them nodded in agreement before one of them said to me in simple Japanese "I always wondered why black people were treated so differently. Our history in Korea is why they don't like us, but shouldn't it be black people that are angry?"

To hear it put so plainly almost brought me to tears. Later on I found myself furious that I had to explain this to so many people in America, while it made perfect sense to everyone I mentioned it to in Japan.

3. Individual Opinions Are Irrelevant, Even If They're Negative and Stereotypical

After I had gotten settled into work, I would occasionally grab dinner with one of my co-workers. As we were walking to a nearby restaurant, my co-worker told me about his year studying in New York City. He told me that one time he went up to Harlem and it was scary because there were a lot of black people. I looked at him and said, "Yuki, I'm black. Why do you think black people are scary?" He laughingly told me it was because of stuff he'd seen in movies and on TV. I asked him, "Yeah, but how would you feel if I judged Japanese people based on what I see in movies and stuff?" It didn't bother him at all. "What? Like, we're good at math or whatever? It doesn't matter to me if you think bad things about Japanese people."

I asked around, thinking that someone would tell me different, that one of my other friends would be bothered, but none of them were. They understood why he thought the way he did, didn't care if I thought something stereotypical and didn't think their opinions made an impact.

4. The N-Word Is Just Another Rude Word

One of my all time worst memories in Japan was a fight I had with a presumed friend over his use of the n-word. He was Taiwanese-Canadian, so he actually had no excuse, although he fought me like his life depended on it. But what I remember and tell everyone about this interaction is that the n-word can be used as a verb in Japanese.

Apparently it's pretty crass, and most people don't use it this way, but I did have a group of friends that was made up mostly of undoubtedly seedy older men. Most days I would just sit there while they drank and talked to each other in order to practice my listening skills. They were also pretty protective of me considering I barely spoke; they would make dirty jokes, but if I mentioned I had a date, they would immediately start telling me to be careful and that they had to meet him so they could decide if he was safe or not. They spoke in a local dialect so I only understood about a third of everything they said, which is why it surprised me when I suddenly understood one of the words they used. It surprised me even more how funny they found my reaction to it. In the context they used it, it was verb. Basically, to "do as a nigger."

When I asked my "friend" what they meant, he refused to explain it to me, telling me "don't worry about it," while laughing. He then got offended that I didn't like that he was using it. The argument that followed was one of the worst I have ever had in my life, mostly because no one was taking me seriously. I never spoke to him or any of them after that argument. To this day, I have no idea what that expression means because no one would ever explain it to me. It made me mistrustful of everyone.

It would take a long time to parse out all the things I learned about race and culture from my friends and relationships in Japan, but they undoubtedly changed the way I think about a lot of things. If you're planning to travel there in the future, go with an open mind and remind yourself constantly that context is a hell of a thing, and it changes drastically from country to country.

live overseas

Get relevant content delivered to you once a week