When my mentor and older friends would talk about turning 30 and what it feels like, I didn't believe the hype. They told me all about the new found freedom you would feel and liberation and a desire to chase your dreams. To me, it sounded like a euphoric response to a not so legal substance ( unless you're in DC then you can). So when I turned 30 almost a year ago, I wasn't expecting anything special to happen. Silly me. By the time I was 30 days into 30, I was out of an abusive relationship, reevaluating my health and most importantly evaluating how I managed my time. Let me be clear, my year of 30 experience will not be like everyone else's. I still have not experienced the euphoria my friends and mentor described. But, I have experienced my own form of freedom and become my own salvation. My year of 30 gifted me with some things and it's only right that I share them.
For starters, YOU MATTER. Years ago I heard Dr. Eric Thomas tell a group that they matter and they mattered outside of what they did as a profession. They mattered outside of who people thought they were. and they mattered outside of what they could do for people. I think if you polled my friends, they would tell you that I measured the depth of my value based on what I could give others. Now I'm selfish with what I give because, at the end of the day, I matter. If I matter to no one else I matter to myself. If I continued determining my value on what I could do for others I would be empty, because people are never satisfied. More importantly, I would be no good to myself.
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Secondly, be careful who you give your "YES" to. My pastor is an amazing woman. One Sunday she discussed the power of "yes". During her message, she said something that spoke to me, " If you aren't careful with who you give your yes to, you'll end up saying no to the "right" thing." I don't know about you but I don't want to waste my yes on something and miss what is for me. After that, I learned that no is a complete sentence and my life became a Destiny's Child soundtrack (No, No, No, No). If I give a person a yes to participate in helping them build their dream and if I'm constantly giving yes to them in their time of need to develop their dream, when do I have time for my own? In the end, I'll have to say no to certain opportunities ( that were meant for my dream) because I'm too busy working on someone else's. For the record, people will sell you a dream in order to get you to help build theirs. Be careful, some of these folks don't have the dreams they sold in stock.
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Third, if you want me to kiss your ass, put it in my contract. When the first Aunt Viv said that on an episode where they were revisiting her career, I died. But the joke was on me when I constantly did work with and for people with no contract. ( Law school should've taught me better. I know.) In life, you will have to do some ass kissing. Just don't let it come at the cost of your soul. And if there's no contract, for dog on sure don't lose your soul to please others in business or in life.
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Fourth, You weren't born with a price tag so don't act like you're for sale. Have you ever seen a Bentley commercial? Matter of fact, have you ever seen a Beyonce concert ticket on Groupon? ( If you have, you're a liar from the pits of hell. But send me the link.) In everything you do, do it with excellence. Don't shortchange yourself and don't let others shortchange you. At 30, I realized that I am too grown to be mediocre at best. And for the record, I also realized that I was too grown for mediocre love. If you can't love me like #ForeverDuncan or like Yandy loves her bundles, I don't want it!
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Fifth, I'm all out of F&*K$ and will take yours if you let me. I graduated with a Ph.D. in petty and a Master's in Dem Hands University this year. Which means I refuse to let people, the dog or even the horrible DC metro kill my vibe. I remember seeing a post on social media that read, "Billy left home with 13 F&*K$, Billy went on about his day not letting anyone kill his vibe. Billy came back home with 15 F&*K$ because he took two from people who thought he cared." I will do what I need to do to maintain my personal space, peace, and sanity. Even if that means taking yours….
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No excuses. No apologies. This is who I am. I am ever changing and I'm constantly evolving. And if you don't like me at 30, pray for me. Just make sure you keep them prayers between you and God and not my inbox.
There are so many other lessons that I learned this year but these five have been the biggest gifts at 30. I leave you with this: " In this moment you are perfect, maybe not yet realized but perfect." – Beah Richards
Even if you feel like you aren't doing this thing called life right, you are.
