We are TJ and Dani Byerson and we are the hosts of Lovers Quarrel Podcast. We met in high school, fell in love, stayed together throughout college and then married young. On purpose. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s always been right for us.

Often times, when people hear our story, it is followed by a wave of “awwww,” “that’s dope” and the occasional, “really?” It is in those moments that we are reminded that we are not like most people our age and as a result, are often viewed as an oddity in today’s society, be it positive or negative. Due to the path we have chosen, we have a little bit of insight on this whole “married young” territory, and if you please, we will share our thoughts. This is the part where the “we” become “I,” since it is possible for couples to have thoughts independent of each other.

(Let it be noted that the millennials within us desperately wanted to type “LOL” after that last sentence.)

Why did you get married so young?

Dani: We honestly would’ve been married earlier than when we were if it was solely up to TJ. He proposed in 2010 and was ready to get married the next year. I, on the other hand, was not anxious to rush anything. I was 22, which when I think back on it, was super young. While being engaged felt right, getting married was something I did not want to rush.  So, mostly because of my doing, we waited three years. And even though we were still young, by the time I was 25, we were both working full-time, had bought a home and had a little more to work with to make sure our wedding was the one we wanted. So, to answer the question, I think we got married young because it didn’t feel like we were “young” getting married. By that point, we had been together going on nine years.  

TJ: I got married when I did because it was the next logical step. Age was never really a factor for me, but because we had been dating since we were 16, I took that into consideration. If we had met in college, I probably wouldn’t have dated her (let it be noted Dani called me an absolute liar after I read that statement aloud). You also know when it feels right, and marrying Dani at that time in our lives was definitely the right moment for us, not the world. Overall, marrying young didn’t feel that way because I always looked at it as you date for several years, then take the next steps if that is who you want to be with.

Would you tell other millennials not to wait? Why or why not?

TJ:  I say yes and no. If you know that everything is in place with your finances, home life, etc., and you see yourself with this person for the long haul, then forget age. If you can have experiences and build with each other, that’s when I say yes, go on ahead. Now, if you have no time invested, if you aren’t building toward something together, and just want to jump into marriage because you think it’s love, then I would have say slow it down and think it over. Dani and I were young, but we waited until we had something to build on. It just so happened that we were in our 20s at the time.

Dani: Whenever people find our story sweet, I tend thank them and say “Yeah, but we are the exception, not the rule.” I know still being with your high school sweetheart isn’t common, and marrying that person is even more unlikely in my experience for people my age. So my initial response to this question is to tell people in their early 20’s to wait. Don’t enter into something as serious as marriage if you can’t say with a sense of certainty that you are not going to stunt your individual growth and experiences. Everything isn’t for everyone and as a result, I think you should wait until its right for you. Don’t operate on anyone’s timetable (in either direction, honestly). Trust yourself and your significant other. You’ll know what to do and when to do it more often than not. But more than anything else, don’t let others try to sway you one way or the other or dictate how your life is supposed to play out.

What are the joys and woes of being married young?

Dani: The great thing about being married young is that I don’t have to date in the search for a soulmate/spouse. I found him when I was 16 and in watching some of the dating woes of my friends, I am ever so thankful. I don’t know if I would’ve had it in me! But on a more serious note, being married young means I have more moments to share with TJ. We get to celebrate more triumphs and special occasions together. We also have more time together before kids become a part of the equation. But just as we get more joys to share, we do have our share of sorrows. Marrying young means we have to go through the growing pains of young adulthood together. Quarter-life crises, career struggles, money struggles — all the things we experience as individuals are doubled when you’re both young and married.

TJ:  The joy is being married to your best friend. Building a family, and a life together is a great joy, too. And let's not forget those tax breaks (joking, but serious). The biggest joy is having someone next to you to go through all of the trials and tribulations with. You never have to go it alone. Some woes that come along with being married young are more centered on the people in our lives, but not within our marriage. It can be frustrating when your youth leads people to not take your relationship and/or marriage seriously.

Hopefully, this brief glimpse in to being a millennial and married is insightful to you. Just know that we can thrive as a couple and individuals. So don’t think of us as unicorns. Though we are seemingly uncommon, we do exist.

Dani & TJ are the hosts of 'Lovers Quarrel Podcast', which is available on all streaming platforms.

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