I am getting cozy, ready to binge on Being Mary Jane, and anyone familiar with this show is aware of the undeniable talent of the protagonist, Gabrielle Union-Wade. What I look forward to though, is the opening quote. They always tend to resonate from within. This time, luck is on my side and Robert Frost (my all time favorite poet) is quoted.
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibility desired.
Just then my Snapchat goes off simultaneously with WhatsApp. We all can admit to the fact that when we are engrossed on leisure time we consciously put up a "no disturbance" mental post. However, in the state of akrasia, I go against my better judgement and respond to one. This leads to the start of a curious and wide-engaging discussion on the topic of "the one."
Do we really have one person we are pre-determined to live with for the rest of our lives, or is it just a superficial social construct? Taking modern day relationships into consideration, they are completely different from traditional courtship, which further complicates the notion of "the one." Personally, I believe one of the reasons why there is a high rate of divorce now, is because we are in search of this "one" so we end up doing permanent things with temporary people—and then wonder why our life turned out different. The truth is, at some point in our lives we will find someone who will voraciously change our perspective of what we believed about love, but the sad truth is that they are not whom we end up spending a lifetime with.
A lifetime is a long time and as Charles Darwin said. It's not the strongest nor the most intelligent that survive, but those responsive to change. Taking into account that change is the only thing that is constant, then we should embrace being a masterpiece and a work-in-progress, simultaneously. The most beautiful thing is knowing that you can try out a "different me" without having the threat of our companions leaving us. The lucky few get to experience the different phases with one person, while the rest of us are in search of "The Great Perhaps." That's why my rule of thumb is that I will be with somebody who goes out of their way to show me they want me in their life, and most of all, following Oscar Wilde's advice, "Never love somebody who treats you like you are ordinary."
Today, we fall into the trap of those who believe that what we want will come for us. Anything that we don't seek and struggle for won't come for you. Life is not generous to the point of giving us who and what we want without a price. Therefore, we have to realize that in life, timing is everything, and deciding when to stop is a much more important ability than deciding when to start. We are failing in the pursuit of love because we believe we can love somebody into loving us.
People seem to think that embracing life in the search of "the one" is through jumping into "situationships" or kissing strangers, sometimes it's just slowly learning to love oneself. There is nothing worse than falling in love to compensate for a self-love deficit. We need to love when we are ready, and not when we are lonely. A journey of self-love starts with making a choice every day to be happy, and focusing on self-improvement. If you have to tip-toe do so, that's fine, as long as you take a step towards changing your habits to accommodate the greatness that lies within. We attract the kind of love that we think we deserve, so look into where you are and ask yourself, "Is this what I deserve?"
We need to elevate ourselves to the pedestal we have set for "the one," and replace it with the pursuit of self-love. After all, elevation requires elimination. Strive to become the type of person who makes you feel a sense of pride from within.
Seinfeld said, "One of the greatest keys to life is just to fall in love; not the romantic kind, but with moments." Let's not get into a purposeless relationship. At the end of it all, some things are better late than never, and love is certainly one of them.
