When two people meet and a connection sparks, they begin to talk about everything from favorite foods to political affiliation, and Black Lives Matter. Historically, mental health is typically a topic left off the menu. Given the state of the union in 2018, people are more inclined to question mental health earlier in a relationship. Questions about self-care, mental health in the black community and therapy, could help guide partners into a mentally stable relationship.
One must be able to regulate their own emotional well-being before entering a relationship. Self-care can be characterized as an individualized tool-box that aids in daily emotional stability. Everyone should engage in self-care, however, everyone’s self-care does not have to be the same. Personally, my tool box includes running, writing, poetry, yoga, meditation and social media detoxing. Others may see cooking, fishing, and dancing as their self-care toolbox. Or, hear me out, sitting in your underwear and binge watching Netflix is perfectly fine too! Self-care has no boundaries. If self-care looks a lot like “hobbies”, you are right! Self-care is truly an operational definition of hobbies, with an intentional purpose behind it. Self-care is vital in any relationship, but especially a romantic one.
Whether one calls in fighting, arguing or simply a disagreement, emotional strife is almost inevitable in a relationship. After arguing with your partner, the best way to calm down is doing something in your self-care toolbox. It should be noted that self-care does not only have to be used during times of distress. Everyone should strive for a daily self-care routine to prevent mental and physical stress. One should be comfortable sharing their tool box with their partner. For example, let’s say you come home from a long day at work and you start venting to your partner. You work yourself into a true state of exhaustion. We know you may not be looking for an answer but more so just someone to listen to you. It could be helpful for your partner to say something like “Hey, have you had self-care today?” It’s the little things that truly make love last. There’s a good chance everyone feels comfortable discussing self-care on the first few dates. However, speaking about overall mental stability in the Black community may be challenging.
One can count on two things happening every weekend in the black community; bottomless mimosas and church. There is a good chance that a couple will partake in both during a relationship. How your potential spouse views mental health in our community may entice you. Historically, the black community somewhat views mental health as “seen but not heard”. Due to slavery and the Jim Crow south, our people have been taught to keep mental health and domestic issues within the family. On the rare occasion that they do come to light, it is typically in front of the pastor. Though helpful, a religious leader may not be equipped with the necessary skills to provide a sound therapeutic practice. In terms of Christianity, one has to believe that God placed mental health clinicians on this earth to help others. Posing questions like “Do you feel the conversation around mental health has changed’ or “How can we learn from our past generations’”, may prove beneficial in the long run. Partners do not need to agree on every topic, however, they should strive to reach an overall understanding.
Eventually, two people dating in 2018 are going to have to talk about therapy. Whether you decided to bring it up on the first date or the day before your first pre-marital class, therapy is truly unavoidable. From tears to laughter, therapy can be quite a roller coaster ride that ultimately leads to emotional tranquility. Due to this, it may not be proper to speak about the details of a therapeutic session on the first date. However, there are several people who feel extremely comfortable disclosing their therapeutic status on the first date. If you are on the receiving end of this, do not fret! Meeting someone who puts their mental health first should be a turn on. That means you could potentially end up with someone who is striving to understand their strengths and weakness in the area of communication, anger, sadness, and hope. If your date discloses any information regarding therapy one of the best ways to respond is to say “thank you for trusting me with that information”. There is a chance that your partner is living with a mental health disorder. If that is the case, do not make them out to be your “project”. Do not think about “fixing” them. Mental health is not something you can fix. You can ask simple yet helpful questions like “what are your triggers?” or “Is there anything I can or cannot do?”. Aim to be open and helpful rather than closed off and judgmental. Living with mental is an enduring battle that involves patience. Partners need constant communication in order to thrive as a couple.
In 2018, make it a goal to strive from emotional cohesiveness. The ability to see an emotion, recognize it and make necessary adjustments is vital to living a healthy life. Your potential bae will thank you later.
