The most dreaded time of the year is when we begin to gather our receipts, collect W-2’s and see nonstop TurboTax commercials playing back-to-back.
Hello, tax season. We meet again.
Once the New Year’s resolutions have worn off and folks get back to work, the song “Mo Money, Mo Problems” begins to take its toll as we begin to get our house in order for Uncle Sam.
Here are the unmistakable 11 phases of tax season.
1. The first stage comes in the realization that you spent way too much money ballin’ out for the NYE festivities and your bank account can tell the story. It’s time to turn down and begin the mental process of getting your finances into formation because you know the feds are watching.
2. Phase two begins when you repeatedly check your mailbox (or inbox) for your employee tax documents.
3. Once your W2’s, 1099’s and all the other oddly numbered forms have arrived, you find yourself scouring Google for how-to guides on filling out tax returns at 1:37 a.m. The real financial planning begins.
4. Once you’ve figured out what you need to do, it’s time to assemble the necessary documents for completion in stage four. Combing through ancient emails, piecing together torn receipts and sliding in DM’s asking if you can write off your friend’s children proves to be daunting, but you anticipate that it will lead to you f***ing up some commas.
5. You’ve plugged in all the necessary numbers, only to find out what you owe and the refund isn’t what you imagined.
6. You’re still in it to win it, though. You know you’ve reached stage six when you feel the sense of relief that washes upon you as you finalize the tax return form, attach the accompanying materials, and send it to the appropriate agency. Now you have time to plot how to spend your anticipated check.
7. The seventh stage is the most coveted. The direct deposit hits. You are unrecognizable in the streets.
When your Aunt, that’s your mother’s youngest sister, gets her taxes back in the same month that she gets paid 3x pic.twitter.com/wQqyZhuUwh
— Clif B. Shenanigans (@seabethree) April 7, 2016
8. Before making any purchases, you are now flirting with the idea of doing something spontaneous with your newfound wealth, as you beam in the possibilities, ultimately falling in love with the money.
9. As your plan to make it rain comes into to fruition, you treat yo’self to a few goodies you’ve been needing wanting, pay a few months worth of bills, and cater to a few friends with fine dining and endless brunch specials. Why not? You’ve got the money to life live and ignore the text alerts from your bank. Things are looking great in the ninth stage, even if only for a moment.
10. The sounds of your bank account at the next to last phase.
Reality sets in and you realize if you want to keep your money, you need to save it. So you pull back on the eating out and start spending a little more wisely. If your friends are trying to turn up, the usual, “I’m broke” line will resurface and your increasing spending habits come to an absolute halt. Binge-watching new shows on Netflix will replace your brief stint on the Moneyteam and you’ll sleep much easier knowing you’ve recommitted to a life of spending smarter.
11. And now, you are back at one.
Before and After Tax Season pic.twitter.com/fWsOQvN0iM
— ☘SvmmyGvng☘ (@ChiThaRebel) April 11, 2016
Make the money, don’t let it make you. Happy filing (better do it before Monday)!
