It seems like the closer I get to 30 the more I have to validate being single. The holidays come around and inevitably family members and friends are full of questions. The truth is there are a ton of reasons why it’s OK to be single. Here are a few of the reasons I decided to bask in the single glow this year — and they might apply to you too:
You are habitual dater.
If you’re that person that’s never been single for very long, challenge yourself to give it a try. If the right person comes along they will definitely respect you for pacing yourself this time around. If not — c’est la vie, it wasn’t meant to be! Being single can be rough and sometimes if you’re not very used to it, it’s easy to jump into the first relationship around the corner. Push past the initial loneliness and enjoy some time to focus on YOU. Get into great habits with finances, health, exercise, self-love, work, and non-romantic relationships so when Mr. or Mrs. Right comes knocking, you’ll bring more to the table than baggage.
You’re not over your ex.
This is a no-brainer. If you’ve been in a relationship that has been on and off and off and on again, give yourself some time to be OK with shutting that door. It can take weeks, months, seeking advice or simply asking that person out for coffee to get that final
mark of closure. DO THIS. The last thing you want is to meet the right person and still have the “ex of relationship’s past” hanging around. If you’re still comparing them, still contacting them and wondering if you’ll get back together, you are NOT ready for a new relationship. Give it time. It’s only fair to who might come next.
You haven’t figured out co-parenting.
This is a BIG one. Many people are still trying to heal from their last relationship or marriage but it makes it much more difficult when you are still constantly in contact with that person for the sake of your children. My number one advice is to get a proper co-parenting counselor. Many times therapy is frowned upon in black culture but a professional divorce/co-parent counselor can help weed out the emotional issues that stop couples from doing what’s best for the kids’ sake. If you’re not going to be with your ex, stop creating gray areas by still “family dating” and having sex. You’re only going to hurt yourself or them in
the long run. Think about where your relationship with your ex is right now. Would you want to date someone who hasn’t figured out effective co-parenting? Being single is a great time to do this because you’re not bringing a third person and their emotions into an already tricky situation. This is a tough one and the longer you take to figure it out the harder it will be to move on. Try the following link for more detailed professional advice: Coparenting Communication Guide
Your last relationship did damage to your relationships with your friends and family.
The worse thing about bad relationships is the effect they have on the
people around us that love us. Chances are if your friends and family were seeing you hurt it took a toll on the time you spent with them. The good thing about true friends and great family members is that they’re always there. Take some time to nurture these relationships. DO NOT ruin a good girls night out or “bro time” still talking about the past. When people ask about “Voldemort” as my ex is so fondly remembered, I walk away from the conversation. Don’t let a bad past tarnish a good future and a new beginning. Give yourself time to heal, move on and let it go!
You’re focused on your career.
I’ll admit lately I’m extremely selfish. I put a lot of time into a relationship that failed for three years and it’s been tough realizing that I can’t get that time back. You spend part of your life dedicated to someone else and their goals and it doesn’t work out, that’s never easy. Rather than constantly look back on decisions I couldn’t change I decided to do all of the things I wanted to regardless of what my marital or relationship status was. There were times when I was in a limbo not sure if I needed to move on with major life decisions because I hadn’t planned to make them alone. When you come out of a committed relationship and into being single as an adult you’re faced with a lot of “what do I want to do” questions vs. “what do we want to do.” I wanted to get a house, I wanted to get a new car, I wanted to focus on going back to school and I wanted to climb my career ladder. There’s no more, “what city do we want to live in, which one of us is getting a car next, what do we want for dinner.” Don’t get me wrong, relationships are beautiful. This is certainly not an anti-love post but it’s meant to consider the importance of enjoying where you are at this exact moment. It’s always better to meet someone at a better place than where the last person left you.
What do you love about being single? Let us know in the comments below!
