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The night of August 3, 2020, I sat on my couch and I cried. I was overwhelmed with anxiety, fear and a bit of guilt. So many thoughts were running through my head. Was I being foolish to go back, to go back inside of my school building? How could they protect me from getting sick? How could I protect myself from being forced to be around so many other people? Was I putting my family in harm’s way?
I sat, I cried some more and I prayed. But in a matter of 30 minutes, I gathered myself and prepared for the school year as I had done for the past 20 years as an educator. I decided I would at least have to try, and it’s all I could really do.
Returning to my classroom, inside of a large high school in an urban school district, after three weeks — in the midst of a pandemic — is a hot button topic for thousands of educators around me. The countless amount of scary thoughts and uncertain feelings I had about returning to work because of how COVID-19 has hit the Black community the hardest are fading. The expressed fearful concerns of my own mother, the lack of proper ventilation in my classroom and sharing a workspace with others have been eased. I feel safe. My building is superbly clean, I see my colleagues and students faces, and I have gotten back to something I’m familiar with, love and feel it’s my purpose to do. Wearing a mask, sporting eyeglasses, remembering to complete my daily building entry form, limiting my walking in the building, and bringing lunches and snacks that do not need refrigeration or heating are all now a part of my safe teaching tool kit.
My work duties and the use of technology are all now magnified.The daily tasks of teaching even just one period entail so much more than they did five short months ago. I have had to re-image my own teaching approaches, which has caused me to recognize the digital divide that exists in my colleagues. My fears of becoming physically ill with COVID-19 have been replaced with the great concern of how we will effectively teach virtually to provide our students with an equitable education. Teacher training is paramount in this season. We simply need more time to properly prepare to meet the needs of our students. Four weeks of training are needed. These weeks should be spent to cultivate culture for adults, and to address instructional needs, social-emotional needs and technology needs The many inequities the pandemic has exposed has added to the already tremendous amount of work teachers have. Now, being burdened with inequalities we can no longer ignore forces us to the position of realizing equity is the application of equality of law.
Raising my voice to say the teachers’ voices are absent from education decision-making tables, teachers are choosing to retire due to tech requirements, they are afraid to return to work out of the fear of getting sick or causing their loved ones to get sick, and the many remaining questions, concerns and unmade decisions are all remaining tragedies. Now, I know more than ever that making a difference, spreading positivity, getting personal, giving 100%, staying organized, being open-minded, having high standards, finding inspiration, embracing change and creating reflection must all be at the forefront of my teaching practice for my peers and students.
To my fellow educators struggling about why or how to re-enter their classrooms, I want to encourage you that it is being safely done. I do not have all the answers, nor do I negate the seriousness of the virus, its harmful effects on people, families, the economy, small businesses, every educational stakeholder, American education and our society. And I care deeply and understand the very real concerns of my colleagues who have lost loved ones, have health issues and carry real fears because of this invisible killer. But what I realize most is every time I step foot outside of my home, I assume I am exposing myself to COVID-19. So now five months later, I am OK with stepping out of my home into my school building.
Working from my classroom has inflated faith over fear, human kindness, advocacy and showing up for my students; I am living the change in communication, collaboration, compassion and connection between students, parents and educators. Our work in this season is huge. While eyes and ears are listening to educators, the time is now to carve “the new way,” for American education for all children, and some of us must do so from our classrooms inside of schools.
