There is a meme that says "You'll date a man that has a wife, but not a man that lives at home with his mother."

It's not #alternativefacts.

It's a reality. Women are willingly playing number two. Some of them never wanting to be number one. The other half lying to themselves pretending that they don't want to ever be number one. The rest are selling their souls and depleting their pride in hopes of erasing her side chick status ~~when~~ if he gets rid of his wife or number one significant other.

The truth is, their self-esteem is in the toilet. Non-existent. Look, we've all had less than shining moments when it comes to love and relationships. No one gets it right all of the time. But this side chick mentality is invading our lives and making it hard for people to really know what Love is. We've convinced ourselves that men cheat on a regular basis and we should be okay with that. Work the infidelity into our lives and learn to adapt. Figure out a way to still love him and let him do his thing. And that is for the wife and for the side chick to adapt to. Because we should share right?

Women, faithful to their married boyfriends. The married boyfriend who can't spend too much time (or any at all) with her on the holidays. The married boyfriend can't answer all of her phone calls, but expects her to answer all of his. The married boyfriend who can only give stolen moments and has to live a lie in order to be present in the side chick's bed. Yet as a woman, diligently holding on to that side chick status and a dream, you sit, waiting for him to call. Waiting for him to carve out a piece of time ~~to have sex with~~ for you, waiting for him to take you out with money he has taken from his family's household. And you see him as a prize. The man that will creep on his wife and his family wouldn't dare do the same to you. Because your sex is so good it would keep him faithful to you right?

I'm just asking questions here. Trying to understand. There may be something here that I'm missing. And I want to be informed.

Because the karma of all of this.

Some women get promoted. Win the man. And now you get to parade him around after he left his other life to come with you. You won right?

Some will continue to live in the shadows waiting on the day that he leaves his wife. One year, four years, six years, ten years later and she has become a professional side chick. No longer waiting for him to leave, but accepting pieces of him when he decides to give it. Why have women resigned to live life in this matter? Is good penis in that short of a supply? Or is it that you have no clue that you flushed your self- esteem down the toilet long ago? Because you're cute. You're independent. You're quite intelligent.

And you're still a side chick. Imagine that.

What if more of us held our friendgirls more accountable for choosing the side chick life? Not patted her on the back for dating a married man? Told her that we weren't okay with it. What if more of us reminded our friendgirls that they are worth having an entire man all to themselves, told them that they don't have to settle for rationed penis and stolen moments?

Or what if women left those cheating husbands, demanded that their boyfriends be monogamous? What if women stopped settling and encouraging the rhetoric that men can't be faithful? Stopped pretending to believe his story that he no longer deals with his wife sexually or in any other way, despite the fact that they still live under the same roof? Look, I don't know the answers to how to end the reign of the side chick. I'm asking you for some solutions as well.

For too long we let the #hoesstaywinning.

It's time for the wife to win. Time for there to not be a number two spot so we don't have to mention that there is a number one spot. In association with it.

Here's the deal. Everyone can't be a winner. There is only one number one spot. So if you didn't win it, go play the game elsewhere and try again. If you have been the side chick, stolen moments and rationed penis isn't worth it. You deserve the entire man.

TamaraAngela

Writing since July 2017 · 3 stories contributed