Give Me Monogamy: 5 Reasons Why Polygamy Didn't Work For Me
Don't knock it till you try it...well, I tried it.
March 06, 2017 at 9:00 am
Polygamy – marriage with more than one spouse.
When a man is married to more than one wife at a time, it is called polygyny.
When a woman is married to more than one husband at a time, it is called polyandry.
As a culture (seemingly now) relying on sexual escapades, side chick benefits, hotep bibles and the “let's all share” rhetoric, I prefer monogamy. Here’s why:
1. Socially, polygyny is more acceptable. Not polyandry.
Know of a woman with multiple husbands? I’ll wait…
After so many failed relationships, it’s only natural to consider trying something different. And just like that, polygamy presented itself, confidently (and sure) that monogamy wasn’t natural – catch this – FOR MEN. So essentially, he could date whomever he wanted, and I was confined to only him. Polygamy is just a fancy way of saying, “I’m greedy.” I haven’t met one guy that’s OK with his woman being with multiple men. The double standards, of course, are in favor of men. If women decided to date multiple men, they’ll be considered a…well, you know. Also, lets clear up this misunderstanding that polygamy is dating multiple people. NOPE! It is marriage.
2. Monogamy is more practical and, not to mention, legal.
Yes, I went there!
Simply put, I need all my investments, benefits and funds tied to only one other person. In a polygamous relationship, funds must be split and distributed properly amongst several people. I need to be able to make decisions if my partner is unable to speak for himself – in case of an emergency.
3. I’m selfish.
I did not maintain a positive attitude while in a polygamy-themed relationship. I was handled like a business and only certain days were dedicated to me. If I wanted to go watch a certain movie or go to an event in town, it was only possible if he didn’t take her prior. Monogamy affords me the comfort of spending time without worrying about when my moment is up. I just love knowing it’s me and you. Imagine your significant other holding you while watching A Different World. The mood is right and the room is clean (smelling like myrrh), but the entire time you’re thinking about them doing this with someone else. I would prefer to be thinking about choosing the next movie with bae.
4. I don't need any extra headaches.
Everyone is capable of cheating. In monogamy, you must caution yourself for a few suspicions, but in polygamy, you hope and pray the others are remaining faithful. It is a nerve wrecking process to make sure everyone involved in the love triangle/square/octagon are all tested and managing themselves – specifically when it comes to sexual health.
5. I don't like competition in my love life.
I couldn’t defend polygamy, even when I was involved. I always felt like there were extreme self-esteem highs and lows. Either I was his favorite or she was his favorite, which put us two women at odds with one another. Competition is everywhere already. I did not like coming home to it as well. Growing jealous and competing just to maintain a spot that feels like monogamy? So, why not just be monogamous?
There are many debates on why the black community should start embracing polygamy, especially the one about our ancestors practicing it. Take note that our ancestors and predecessors also practiced monogamy, and were successful. Brother Polight, author and public speaker, has multiple wives and promotes polygyny, NOT polyandry, as a source of structure for the black community and an economic savior. Keep in mind that his wives cannot marry other men.
Monogamy is not a foreign idea. We have appreciated couples who practice monogamy for as long as time has been on earth. Monogamy might be a lot harder now due to temptations and attention spans (thanks social media), but nothing compares to growing with a person, and knowing they're just as crazy about you as you are of them.