Roots Of A One-Sided Friendship: How Insecurity and Victimization Can Ruin The Bond
The Tale of Mrs. Insecure and Mrs. Therapist.
June 12, 2017 at 9:04 pm
All relationships are faced with a level of complication. Whether romantic or phileo, difficulties often arise due to miscommunication or more so often internal insecurities and personal problems. As women, we are blessed with intuition, selflessness and a sacrificing nature. These amazing traits can often be the root of our demise when we fall victim to overly insecure friends. Although friendships should act as a reprieve to the stresses of life and a positive voice of reason, some friends unknowingly take the form of the stressor through subconscious victimization and extreme self-doubt.
Insecurity is something that every human being faces. The issue is some people have a crippling case of self-doubt in which they seek constant external validation or reassurance (I know, I use to do this). When we are feeling down on ourselves, who best to turn to but our friends? This behavior can become very taxing for the friend who plays the role of therapist. A friendship just like any relationship, should be a mutual exchange of energies. The overly insecure can never experience true quality friendship. The constant need for validation often creates a one-sided relationship—one friend is constantly getting praised, while the other is depleted.
Along with the depletion comes a sense of neglect. While Mrs. Insecure excessively talks about her personal problems and daily annoyances, Mrs. Therapist can't express the grief she is experiencing because Mrs. Insecure will always revert the topic back to herself. Please note these behaviors are all subconscious.
With extreme insecurity comes a level of victimization or failure to take responsibility for one's action. Not only will Mrs. Insecure seek validation in the relationship, she will often need a venting dummy, someone to sit there and listen to her fume about the results of her bad decisions. Mrs. Therapists will be expected to provide a shoulder to cry on, as well as praise Mrs. Insecure for her obvious character flaws.
Mrs. Therapist will experience a level of aggravation with time. Her sympathy will steadily convert to annoyance as Mrs. Insecure obsessively reaches out in need of reassurance. Once Mrs. Therapist can no longer tolerate the one-sided friendship, she will be authentic with Mrs. Insecure, or in other words, "keep it real."
Authenticity regarding the situation will have Mrs. Insecure running for the hills, and there goes the friendship.
Insecurity is a demon that holds the same weight as fear. Regardless if it is a friendship or a romantic relationship, the same issues will arise. Although extreme self-doubt is a personal problem, the effects it has on relationships can be irreversible and very damaging. Until Mrs. Insecure can learn to take responsibility for her actions, she will continually be running for many hills.