It’s been one year since the passing of Nick Cannon’s son Zen, who lost his battle with brain cancer, and the comedian has opened up about his continued heartbreak.

As Blavity previously reported, Cannon and model Alyssa Scott welcomed the actor’s seventh child in June 2021. In early December of that year, the actor shared on his self-titled syndicated talk show that Zen died from a condition called hydrocephalus. On the episode, he explained the condition “is pretty much a malignant, midline brain tumor — brain cancer.”

It’s now the first anniversary since the unfortunate loss, and he’s sharing his agony with fans. Early this morning, the Wild ‘N Out host posted a picture of him and his son with a heartfelt caption describing his feelings.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by NICK CANNON (@nickcannon)

“Physically I’m definitely on the mend but Mentally and Spiritually I’m broken,” he wrote. “Been tossing and turning all night, and as much as I know I need rest, last night I couldn’t sleep at all. I can’t believe it’s been a year already since the toughest day of my life occurred. Such a painful anniversary.”

He continued the caption, writing, “Losing a child has to be the heaviest, most dark and depressive experiences that I will never get over. A mixture of guilt, pain, and sorrow is what I suppress daily. I am far from perfect and often fall short and make decisions in my life that many question, but anyone who knows me knows my heart.”

The actor also wrote, “I love hard, I love big and I love with my entire Heart and Soul and I just wish my Little Man could’ve felt more of that love while he was here on Earth.”

Although he and Alyssa are expecting another bundle of joy, that didn’t stop Cannon from admitting that he’s going through “one of the most challenging seasons” of his life and he’s “relying on the peace that surpasses” all.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by People Magazine (@people)

Cannon concluded the moving post by writing, “But let me tell you, it’s tough… I know a few days ago I wrote a post from my hospital bed saying I will be okay and I just needed rest so don’t waste your prayers on me but I can definitely use those prayers right now.”

The father of 11 took to social media on Friday, Dec. 2, to reveal he was hospitalized due to pneumonia, Page Six reports. He’s recovering, but said he realizes he’s not “superman.”