5 Wedding Guests That Newlyweds Vent About After The Wedding

I'm telling you because they won't.

Upset Bride
Photo Credit: Photo: April Belle

| June 02 2017,

03:29 am

Countless articles have been written about everything wedding related, from how to address the invitations to appropriate wedding guest etiquette. But one thing is missing: What is it that really grinds newlyweds the most, so much that they talk about it even after the wedding?

I gathered four recent brides and one groom, and we all agreed that these five types of guests are the ones that newlyweds vent about afterwards.


 1. No-Shows

Let's be clear, life happens. A no-show is not someone who calls you a week before to say, "I'm so sorry. I actually have a life emergency and I can’t make it. But I sent you something from your registry. Love you!” A no-show is someone who RSVPs “yes,” and does not attend, does not call, does not text and makes no indication that they will not be in attendance. Typically, this person adds insult to injury by not even telling you afterwards why they didn’t come—and they almost never give a gift. Couples notice and they may smile when they run into the no-show at a happy hour, but they are definitely going to talk about him on the car ride home.


 2. Crashers

This person wasn’t invited. This person may not even know the couple, but she decided that her presence was required at one of the most important days of this couple’s life. In an odd horrific twist of fate, the crasher probably ate better than the bride and the groom because while the couple was running around taking pictures, the crasher was enjoying a honey glazed salmon over a wild rice pilaf, while hitting on the couple’s cousin.

(Honorable mention goes to the guest who brings a plus one even after you explicitly, and politely, told them that plus ones weren’t given due to budget/space constraints. This is a real thing that happens.)


 3. White-Wearers

I get it. It’s 2017 and traditions are so yesterday, but unless the betrothed made it clear that white was OK, then guests just shouldn’t wear white (or beige or off-white or super pale blush). It’s just one day. Save the white for Communion Sunday or Diddy’s next party.


 4. The Embarrassingly Drunk Guest

Before I got married, I joked that because of how expensive alcohol is, I was considering having a dry wedding and serving sweet tea and lemonade. But we all know that a little liquid lubrication encourages dancing and a general celebratory mood. Unfortunately, nothing kills the celebration like seeing your cousin laid out behind the photo booth because he kept a permanent seat at the open bar.


 5. The Creep

Wedding Crashers has everyone convinced that weddings are the perfect place to collect phone numbers and prey on single, inebriated women (or men) who are feeling a little vulnerable and optimistic about love after hearing heartfelt vows. But it’s not. A friend told me that the photographer, without meaning to, managed to capture her husband’s classmate flirting with at least four different women with varying levels of success. It would be a beautiful love story to meet someone at a wedding, and the newlyweds do often want everyone to have a good time and make new friends, but they don’t want to have to console a heartbroken friend who fell in love to UGK’s “I Choose You” on the dance floor.


I know what a lot of you are thinking. “You just finished celebrating one of the best days of your life. You’re in love! Don’t be petty. Just be glad you got married!”

However, many may not realize that in 2017, weddings are a different beast. Only 9 percent of couples don’t pay for any part of their wedding; many millennials are sponsoring their own. This means that couples are often starting their young marriage with possibly debt or at least missing a chunk from their savings account. So when they politely asked you not to bring a plus one, and several folks did anyway, the catering bill they get afterwards can be a sucker punch to the gut. Aside from the monetary investment, couples invest a lot of their time, energy and efforts for their vision to come to life (which usually revolves around making sure the guests have a good time), and for one day, guests can’t oblige a couple who loves them enough to invite them? Not only does it hurt their pockets, it hurts their feelings. They’ve possibly had tough conversations with family members, agonized over how to list the names of divorced parents, treaded carefully not to offend the cousin who wasn’t chosen to be a bridesmaid, spent days organizing the seating chart so exes aren’t at the same table, tied together DIY favors for guests to take home till their fingers bled, and all of that energy isn’t honored.

If you’re reading this, and you’re thinking “Oh man… I’m that guy!” it is ok. Now that you know, do better. And if you’ve recently committed one of these faux paus (e.g. within the past year), I’m sure the newlyweds will accept a belated gift card with an apology.

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