I have always been a socially awkward introvert with a proclivity for books and alone time. I prefer my own space but, as most introverts do, I crave human interaction every once in awhile. This sporadic desire has led me to keep a small (very small) number of friends on speed dial. It was not until I had a conversation with my friend/roommate that I realized how much my some-timey behavior affected the mindset of the people around me. She confessed to me that she thought I did not like her when we first met because she would see me out alone at events that we could have easily attended together. It never dawned on me that my solo-dolo habits were conveying a negative message to people who truly wanted to get to know me.
Growing up, I was flawlessly sheltered and painfully shy. Singing was my passion as a youth, but it was an activity that did not require me to interact much with others. This, obviously, kept me from creating relationships and building much needed social skills. My parents never forced me to get into any group activities outside of school, and a shy kid attending a very small private school in the middle of the suburbs is a set-up for a grown woman who will spend most of her adulthood battling social anxiety. At the age of 30, large crowds still make me fairly nervous, and I prefer intimate social gatherings with people I know, over being dragged to a party where the only face I recognize is the person that brought me.
Music, writing and books were my friends outside of the one or two people I occasionally interacted with on the weekends. I was not building any social skills as an adolescent, and when you tackle on the insecurity that comes with being obviously different from those around you, you have a recipe for social disaster.
When I moved to Los Angeles and started to pursue a career in the entertainment industry, I realized just how much of a crutch my social anxiety was, and because I was completely void of any networking skills, my professional progression was slow, to say the least. After attending the greatest HBCU in the nation (you know the one, Howard University) one would think that my rolodex, I mean, cell phone, would be full of contacts that I could hit up as soon as I hit the coast, in order to build professional and creative relationships. Not so much. I knew a few people, but not well enough to pick up the phone and call just to say, “Hey, can you help me out?”
This, caused a professional nightmare that, two years later, I am still working to get a handle on. As a professional in any industry it is absolutely imperative that you build relationships. Getting a job in today’s society is not solely based on how well you craft your resume. Finding and landing that ideal career opportunity is based on the quality of the relationships you build. While I have been blessed enough to find my footing despite my lack of group interaction, my career could have gone in a completely different direction had I taken the time to build and cultivate relationships with my peers.
For recent or imminent graduates, it is imperative that you build relationships not only for your professional growth, but for your personal growth as well. In a research survey conducted by LinkedIn, it was concluded that 85 percent of all jobs were filled through networking, putting a damper on those who prefer to fill out as many online applications as possible, without having to actually go out and talk to anyone.
It is important for the next generation of parents, educators and youth volunteers to pay special attention to those quiet kids who obviously have trouble interacting with their peers. Suggesting activities that speak to their interests and allow them to shine is imperative for their growth and social development. For adults who still battle the effects of social anxiety, finding activities that speak to your interests is important. Find spaces in which you can be yourself and make a point to do something each day that helps you to break the anti-social habits you have picked up over the years.
