If you know me, you know my life is reflective of every two-parent Black family sitcom. Even as a child, I knew I wanted to be married to a fine Black man, have all his babies and live in a Cosby-style house (brownstone, of course) filled with memories to last a lifetime. Although life had other plans, my son and I are still hopeful for the future.

About six months after his birth, it clicked that it was up to me to create lasting memories of Black family magic. Our life was to be modeled as the standard of joy. Our joy would grow to include bonding moments with godparents and grandparents, uncontrollable laughter over tickles, dancing to Jackson 5 until our legs got tired, limitless horsey rides from “tete” and lots of chicken nuggets. The crazy thing about joy is that it is incomparable. Black family magic, like joy, is a feeling of trust and happiness in the moments. Those moments become memories and the basis for, “I remember when” conversations. When I realized we were indeed our version of Black family magic, it freed me to enjoy every ounce of single motherhood.

Instead of harping on this never being the life I imagined, I highlight the positives of the life I am choosing to live unapologetically. Every day I arise, I thank God and ask him to be the ultimate co-parent. To raise my son in the admonition of him and understand that the very existence of his life is purposeful. I also relish in the beauty of my village, filled with loved ones who only want the best for my son and I.

Single motherhood has a way of reconnecting you to the source (and for me, that is God). Honestly, becoming a single mother made me reestablish a dormant prayer life and get real with my hopes and desires for my son and I. Three years in, I can appreciate how this season of my life has helped me grow. It has been my greatest teacher and personal motivator; I’ve used this time as a personal development course to essentially become the most stable figure in my son’s life.

If children become what they see, then it is on the parent to model the expectation. Oftentimes, parents interchange the word “expectation” with “perfection.” Perfection should never be the goal because there is no such thing as the perfect child nor parent.

What does stability look like in your family dynamic as a single mom? Are you meeting the expectations that you require? As for me and my house, being a stable figure means allowing my son a front-row seat at learning that mommy isn’t “superwoman.” I allow him to see a woman doing her very best to provide him with love, a quality education and meaningful experiences (culturally, spiritually, professionally and more) while making room to navigate her own dreams. Being stable is the most important gift I can give to my son.

Mama, free yourself from the ideology of life as you imagined. You are everything you need to be.

All in all, I hope my life lessons as a single mother can serve as a catalyst for you to make room to look within and journal what your journey has taught you thus far. Just know, you’re doing a phenomenal job by showing up for you and yours every day.

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