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As technology becomes increasingly more invasive, with the likes of Amazon having a key to our front door, our phones scanning our retina to give us access and robots delivering food, it’s safe to say machines are almost completely running our personal lives. There’s an app for every facet of our lives.
Do you find yourself simultaneously interacting with your best friend on Twitter and Instagram while texting them, too? You’re not alone. You’re probably reading this article and “multitasking.” The internet has really consumed a huge portion of our lives, making it fairly tough to interact in our relationships. I remember regularly going out to eat with a friend, and every time, she wanted to take photos of our food. Sis, I’m hungry.
When was the last time somebody called you up saying, “I see you're active on Instagram but didn’t answer my text,” or “I see you read my text message but didn’t respond to me”? For this reason, I turned off my read receipts for certain friends and family members. It’s as if the online world sent out text messages of entitlement, letting people believe they have an all-access pass to their family or friends at all times.
While the Internet we love so much can be a tool for starting and growing a business (or minding other people’s business), it can be used maliciously when it comes to intimate relationships. A partner can use social media to their advantage to control, manipulate and monitor their relationship.
No one is entitled to infringe upon your space; the unanswered text messages and 10 missed calls can wait. Learn to respect peoples' time, space and boundaries. We will call you back.
We all have those friends on Facebook that geo-tag everywhere they go. They get a smoothie, they go to the gym, they head to work, they pick-up lunch, they go out after work — they’re on the move and they want us all to know, and there’s nothing wrong with that, truly. This is one of many features on our smartphones, and while location tracking may be particularly helpful for, let's say, checking in with your child, in an unhealthy relationship this could be potentially dangerous. In the context of an intimate relationship, a partner that wants their significant other to post their locations is cause for concern. It’s a huge red flag.
Always ask questions and when something feels off, honor that feeling of uncertainty. Some people take their online stalking to an entirely different level, elevating this behavior to real life stalking. In a case where an abuse survivor is trying to leave their relationship and the abusive partner is trying to regain control of the situation, they stalk and, unfortunately, are more likely to harm their ex-partner. Take it serious.
A lot of us use our phones as if we’re employed by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, surveilling our significant other's every move online. We throw out all of our logic to justify that while our partner stepped out to get food, went to the bathroom or is sound asleep, it's OK to check their phones. For some of us, it is part of a daily ritual. Spying on a partner creates unnecessary anxiety for the one doing the snooping, but it also breeds a relationship that has poor communication and trust. It also shows a lack of boundaries for the other’s personal property and space. It’s quite disrespectful.
Cloaking your lies as curiosity instead of communicating about an insecurity is difficult. Being vulnerable enough to state insecurities because of an unknown reaction is difficult, too. The petty arguments can be avoided in a relationship when both people in that relationship are honest about their feelings individually and toward each other. Healthy partnerships should be built on a solid foundation of respect and trust. Those two qualities alone will tell you enough about the relationship.
Sometimes turning off the phone, pausing the Fire Stick and getting rid of other outside digital distractions to have a real conversation with your partner is the thing that will actually help the relationship. A lot of times we become afraid because maybe we don’t know what our partner’s responses will be to certain questions. If you suspect your partner is being unfaithful, taking you for granted or whatever the issue may be, the next best option is to always communicate. Talk it out; never assume anything.
After having a conversation you still feel uneasy, say that. Now, if this uneasiness is due to the fact that what you uncovered is that this person you thought so highly of is a ticking time bomb of toxic trash, go the other way. It’s true that every relationship is different, but Jane or James Bond, I’m giving major side-eye at any excuse you come up with to access your partner's phone.
Our devices have seemingly sucked us into a world we can only see but can’t touch. Going 30 days without any social media may sound absurd, but try it and take note of the new quality of life you discover. Forming healthy habits like turning off your phone by a certain time every night, putting all electronics in a different room to prevent you from grabbing them first thing in the morning and giving your guests your undivided attention gives us more space to live in the real world with real people. I'll admit that this goal may seem too ideal for some, however, starting with just one small step can make a world of difference when it comes to having better relationships with ourselves and those around us.
If you’re like my friend and you absolutely must take a picture of your meal and post it because maybe you’re actually a food blogger, go for it. But then, turn off your phone and enjoy the person physically in front of you.
