As women, we are faced with a myriad of issues. From our monthly visitor to our ever changing bodies (thanks to bloating, water weight, and bread), several factors can take a toll on us physically. On top of that, add in societal pressures of policing our bodies and sexism. It’s all exhausting.
So when my doctor came back to me with the limited options to protect my ovaries and tubes, endometriosis, fear sank in. The inability to one day reproduce never crossed my mind.
Although having a child doesn’t define a woman, I do yearn to experience it one day. But first, I must face my fear of dealing with my fertility.
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. It’s hard enough trying to figure out how to maneuver birth control pills, IUDs, the patch, shot, sponges, and rings.
Which one am I supposed to choose? Which one has harmful effects that might make it hard to get pregnant. In college, I was too busy popping birth control pills blindly and willingly not thinking about the consequences. The consequences like how birth control can increase your chances of depression, or in my case how lupron depot injections to treat my endometriosis can protect my ovaries but kill my bone density. How do you choose between what you need now and what you want some day?
I’m still making this decision. I’m also running out of time to make it. For women like me, endometriosis doesn’t wait for you to take your time, it needs you to take action. That can be the homeopathic way or the medicinal way. Action requires a decision and my biggest fear is making the wrong one.
My grandmother got ovarian cancer when I was a child, and the doctors told her she would have a better chance of fighting it if she had them removed. She refused because her fears were accompanied with feeling like less of a woman even at her age. Her fear cost her, her life.
So am I willing to do what she wasn’t willing to do and face it head on and go with the suggested plan for treatment and fertility?
I started the journey to making a decision by first making an appointment to see my primary care physician to get a physical. When was the last time you had a physical? Not just a quick check up, but an actual annual physical with blood work and STD screenings done. If you can’t remember then now is the time. It’s also time to get a pap smear, not fun but necessary. Knowing your body is the first step in determining what should go in your body. Untreated STDs can reduce your chances of reproducing. The stigma surrounding STD’s shouldn’t stop you from knowing your status and being proactive.
After the results from my physical, I spent time researching endometriosis and what it meant for my future. I spent time digging through the hundreds of websites that discuss birth control pills to see which ones came with fewer side effects and the promise of a baby in the future. None of them could give me a straight answer because every woman’s body is different. When I chose to get lupron injections, the last three rounds, I chose to see how my body would react to that drug. I’m not a fan of hot flashes and water weight so I’m charting a new course. It’s never too late to change directions when it comes to what type of pill you are using or whatever type of medical journey you are on. It’s your body and you feel the side effects without the help and support of anyone else.
I’m still unsure of what my next move will be in terms of preserving this womb of mine. But I do know that it’s time for me to #stopaskingpermission and face my fertility fears.
What about you?
