In the past week, I have managed to acquire new ways to identify myself thanks to a few folks on the Internet. For some reason after expressing my opinion on the national anthem and NFL players who beat women, it upset some folks. Their anger warranted racial slurs because after all, they don’t understand why black lives matter over a song that says in its third stanza, “No refuge could save the hireling and slave / From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave …”
Why would anyone want to stand up knowing that there was no refuge for African Americans and still none today for people like Philando Castile, Freddie Gray, Alton Sterling and countless others?
Being called colored for the first time in life reminded me of just how tired I am of proving to white people that their privilege is not superior to my prime existence. It reminded me of how many times I have had to prove to white people that we are worth something. It reminded me of how many times I’ve had to say that we aren’t trying to kill the cops, we just want them to stop killing us. It reminded me that my many degrees mean nothing to them. All they see is my skin and their racial bias.
Remember the A Different World episode when Dwayne said, “It doesn’t matter how many degrees I get. All you people see is color.”?
This has been my reality too many times. Having a bachelor’s degree, master’s degree, and juris doctorate do not exempt me from being seen as a second class citizen when I voice my opinion on being black. The back and forth debate online has gotten to the point where I have decided to #stopaskingpermission to defend black life to white people.
I am sure that there are going to be people who don’t like or understand how I feel. I get it. I’m not here to call white people anti-black or throw racial slurs at their feet. I’m also not here to play out your happy slave narrative and act as though I should be grateful that you are finally taking note of our excellence. Even though the attention can be harmful. So if you aren’t one of the many militant Facebook users who post pictures using racial slurs or one of the many who try to determine what person, place, or thing is better than a black life, we are good.
However, white supremacy can kindly exit stage left or stay until the benediction.
With more national attention being placed on officer-involved killings of black people, momentum has gained and new allies discovered. Yet for some reason as the number of white young adult supporters grow for the Black Lives Matter movement, there still seems to be some sort of misunderstanding when it comes to what it really means when we say, “black lives matter”.
A survey conducted in June by GenForward shows that 41% of young white people support BLM. That number grew to 51% at the beginning of August. However, the study proved an astonishing 66% of young white adults think that BLM encourages violence against police.
The 66% are totally confused about the truth.
Their preconceived notions have allowed them to believe that we are saying that black lives matter over all lives. That’s just not true. Yet every time there is a post that involves a push for black lives, you will always find the “All Lives Matter” choir singing off-key. I wonder if the next selection will sound like the rest: “black people just need to follow the rules,” “black on black crime is the problem,” “this wouldn’t have happened had he just showed his hands”, “this would not have happened if he moved quicker when reaching into that glove compartment,” “they just want to kill the police,” – the list of excuses goes on and on.
If you try to combat the constant noise of these voices daily, you too will soon feel the mental and emotional toll. I can no longer spend energy and ignore my mental health why trying to prove to white people why we matter and why police bullets should not become a part of our DNA. I can no longer try to clarify the message behind BLM and how it doesn’t mean the lives of police officers are not equally as valuable.
The online debate is just too much for me. I forfeit. Either you value us or you don’t.
All I’m asking is, the next time we hold a rally, prayer meeting, vigil, or take a stand on issues crippling our community, don’t waste your energy on trolling the comment sections on social media posts or news articles. Just as I can’t always prove Rihanna’s mic is on, we won’t be able to ever prove to all white people that we do matter.
Thank you to those who get it.
